Jewish World Review March 13, 2012/ 19 Adar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Pat Robertson stunned his TV audience Thursday by advocating the legalization of marijuana. A phone survey says seventy percent of Americans say pot should be legal. The other thirty percent thought the telephone ringing was the fire alarm and ran outside.
President Obama will host Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron at a White House state dinner today. The president plans to honor our Mother Country after three years of insulting them. Much to Mitt Romney's relief the flip-flop issue has just been neutralized.
President Obama will bring British PM David Cameron to an NCAA tournament game in Dayton tonight. He plans to teach our closest ally why Americans love March Madness so much. Nothing cements a personal friendship like illegal gambling on college basketball.
Russia's president Vladimir Putin said Thursday he is looking forward to coming to Chicago to attend next month's NATO military summit. He was coming to the Windy City anyway. This year he's the keynote speaker at the annual election-stealing convention.
Syria's oil minister fled the country Friday saying he doesn't want to be on a sinking ship. He knows that the U.S. won't save him. Syria produces four hundred thousand barrels of oil every day, which is too much for a CIA coup but not enough for a an invasion.
The London Mail released a letter saying the Titanic captain was drinking in the bar when the ship hit an iceberg. It's revisionist history. It's not fair to blame the captain for the loss of the ship, when everybody knows an al-Qaeda operative was piloting the iceberg.
Pakistan agents finished investigating Osama bin Laden's daily life at his compound Thursday and reported he was miserable. He was always badgered by his three jealous, feuding wives. Not everyone realizes that the SEALs were there on a domestic violence call.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton