Jewish World Review March 7, 2012/ 13 Adar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama gave a speech to the American Israel Political Action Committee in Washington Sunday urging patience with sanctions on Iran. He doesn't want Israel to worry about Iran getting a nuclear weapon. That's his job and he is not worried about it.
Los Angeles County Sheriffs reported a steep rise in siphon-hose gasoline robberies last week. Thieves are stealing gas right out of cars that are parked in malls and on the street. The victims say they haven't felt so robbed since they put the gas into the car.
General Motors halted all Chevy Volt production Friday and laid off twelve hundred workers. The government demanded an explanation. Chevy said it was necessary to close the plant and lay off the autoworkers in order to meet consumer demand for the car.
Vladimir Putin won Russia's presidential election Sunday with sixty-three percent of the vote. He defeated a communist and an oil man. The difference between Russia and the United States is that our next president will be succeeding a communist and an oil man.
Guantanamo prisoners were given a brand-new soccer field Thursday for use by the captured terrorists. The prisoners are so distraught. President Obama wants everyone to drive electric cars, eat vegetables and love soccer, and he has no authority over anyone not in federal custody.
North Dakota laundromats began banning oil workers' clothes on Sunday because the oil ruins the washing machines. Here comes another big settlement. Wildlife lovers were shown standing on the river beds holding the Maytags in their arms and wiping off the oil.
New York was rated the nation's clinical depression capital in a psychology journal survey Monday. The city's suicide hotline is now staffed with psychiatrists to help people. If you call and let them know you're feeling suicidal, they make you pay in advance.
President Obama called Barnard College and asked to speak at the women's school's graduation in June. The school caved and cancelled their scheduled speaker, New York Times editor Jill Abramson. Obama bet Joe Biden lunch that he could get re-elected even if the New York Times endorses Romney.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton