Jewish World Review March 5, 2012/ 11 Adar, 5772
The News in Zingers
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Maria Shriver reconciled with Arnold Schwarzenegger in L.A. Thursday. He slept with the maid in Maria's bed and had a son that went unnoticed for twelve years. Maria did not mind the adultery but it ruins her reputation at NBC News as an investigative reporter.
The Amish is a fascinating documentary running on PBS which covers their customs and folkways, their heritage and their economy. They completely support President Obama. The Amish are the one group in America who aren't mad over the price of gasoline.
An Albuquerque man registered his dog to vote at a New Mexico University polling station. The word spread fast. Within a week the white dogs and black dogs were fighting over the water fountains in the dog park and the Chihuahuas were getting towed away for no tags.
Energy Secretary Steven Chu testified to Congress Tuesday that high gas prices have the positive effect of weaning Americans off oil. He couldn't be more wrong. On the day gas hits five dollars a gallon Americans will vote for the candidate who promises to drill in Yellowstone.
Apple stock soared on Wall Street Thursday, pushing the value of the company past five hundred billion dollars. Apple's laptops, smart phones, iPad and iPods allow you to do everything from home. This is how Steve Jobs made the cover of Journal Agoraphobia.
President Obama said Thursday that he is proud he doesn't cheat at golf. He says he doesn't take mulligans and he putts out every short putt. It takes him so long to play a round of golf that the stock market made it to thirteen thousand while he was away from his desk.
Mitt Romney captured the GOP caucus in Wyoming on Thursday. The state has only half a million residents and huge energy reserves. Wyoming is so rich that Mitt Romney can freely talk about his wealth and no one there will look down on him for having so little.
North Korea suspended its uranium weapons program in exchange for U.S. food shipments. It's raw power politics. They were able to make a nuclear bomb but until they have the secret of McDonald's French fries, we'll always have the strategic advantage.
A University of Illinois study released Thursday found that Southern California is the second most corrupt region in the U.S. As a yardstick they used convictions for extortion, bribery and crimes involving elected officials. Southern California residents disputed being second best at anything and accused the University of Illinois of giving a victory to the home team.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton