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Jewish World Review
March 29, 2012/ 6 Nissan, 5772
Blown away in Washington, D.C.
By
Dale McFeatters
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Our government is being run by callow youths, striplings who barely remember Gulf War I, let alone Vietnam.
How else to explain a joint study by the National Nuclear Security Administration -- who knew we even had one? -- and the Department of Homeland Security (which we know all too well on an intimate basis).
The study is titled "Key Response Planning Factors for the Aftermath of Nuclear Terrorism," and, in part, purports to tell what would happen if a nuclear device the size of the Oklahoma City bomb were set off in the heart of Washington, D.C. -- 16th and K streets N.W., as a matter of fact.
A summary prepared by the Associated Press says the explosion would destroy everything in every direction within one-half mile. My office is just under half a mile from that intersection. The government's projection that I might instantaneously be reduced to a small cloud of radioactive dust provoked a wave of youthful nostalgia.
To add to the sense of government-induced dread, I, or whatever molecules remained, would be floating toward Baltimore. If there is an afterlife, let me reassure the residents of Charm City that I would make every effort to avoid coating Camden Yards, after Pittsburgh's PNC Park my second-favorite baseball stadium.
AP quotes the report as saying, "An intense flash would temporarily blind drivers on the Beltway miles away." This has to be an inside joke among the Washington security folks because half the drivers on the Beltway are already blind, or at least drive like it.
The report said the blast would wreck everything from the South Lawn of the White House to FBI headquarters in the east. AP didn't say so, but George Washington University to the west and a lot of good saloons on 14th and 17th streets wouldn't fare too well, either.
Everybody else would be OK if they stay away from windows and head immediately to a deep parking garage or a sturdy basement and wait seven hours or so for the radiation to dissipate.
You will be relieved to know that the U.S. Capitol and the major monuments would survive -- chipped and charred, but otherwise unscathed. Maybe not so much the tourists waiting to get in.
The report was never officially published -- it was deemed for "official use only" -- although, as usual, it's available if you search the Internet diligently enough.
Does our government really think we're such wimps?
Gather around, you novice security types, and let me tell you about the darkest days of the Cold War, when a Russian thermonuclear attack with hydrogen bombs was presumed possibly imminent.
The government regularly published maps with concentric circles measured in miles, not blocks. In the inner circle, you would die a quick and hideous death; in the next circle, a lingering hideous death; and in the outer circles your progeny would have two heads and three legs for generations to come.
In my grade school, we were periodically drilled in "duck and cover" under our desks or, given sufficient notice, marched into the hall to sit with our backs against the wall and our heads between our knees.
Our teachers helpfully noted that since our school was practically in the center of Pittsburgh, with its massive steel industry, we would probably be one of the U.S.S.R.'s first targets and thus these safety drills were probably superfluous. We took a great deal of pride in that.
This was also the era of the home bomb shelter, and there were serious discussions about whether you could shoot your neighbors who had neglected to take similar precautions if they tried to crowd into your shelter. Only so much fresh water and Spam, you know. As I recall, these discussions were conducted with a lot more charity and compassion than these "Stand Your Ground" standards of legalized killing.
There was an animated cartoon inflicted on the young called "Duck and Cover," which is still around, in which a monkey in a tree with a stick of dynamite on a string tries to blow up Bert the Turtle.
Bert ducks and covers and the monkey and the tree get blown away. The animal-rights people and the environmentalists probably wouldn't let us get away with that today. You'll just have to take your chances in a parking garage somewhere.
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Previously:
• 03/28/12 At the nuke summit an inadvertent moment of candor
• 03/27/12 A worse unemployment problem
• 03/23/12 The federal budget: A game of make-believe
• 03/21/12 In Iraq, blame the U.S., but drive American
• 03/20/12 Too late, bin Laden realized killing Muslims was a mistake
• 03/16/12 Hu and Wen leaving. China asks: What next?
• 03/14/12 Tide, favored by housewives and drug dealers alike
• 03/09/12 'Spring forward' obsessives and seasonal purists
• 03/08/12 Really, no place is safe when you think about it
• 03/06/12 Putin 'carousel voting' victory
• 02/28/12 Fighter of future still glued to tarmac
• 02/27/12 Every candidate has to have a tax-reform plan
• 02/23/12 Au revoir, mademoiselle: It's been bonne
• 02/21/12 A new way of attacking food-stamp fraud
• 02/20/12 Feds don't want you driven to distraction
• 02/15/12 Putin has found can't lose campaign issue: Promoting a randier Russia
• 02/14/12 Obama's budget lays down battle lines for the fall
• 02/10/12 Filming in D.C. creates hassle for Hollywood
• 02/08/12 At Lake Vostok, Russia taps into new realm
• 02/07/12 'Granny dumping' in prisons
• 01/30/12 National Defense Authorization Act indefensible
• 01/23/12 Barbie sparks fear among Iran's mullahs
• 01/19/12 From overseas, U.S. industry is looking good
• 01/18/12 American posterior a growing problem for mass transit
• 01/16/12 Planets and roaches
• 01/13/12 Not exactly a biblical plague, but certainly an annoyance
• 01/12/12 Fewer young Americans interested in driving
• 01/05/12 Majoring in unemployment
• 01/04/12 Cutting the military by blunt force
• 01/02/12 Pragmatic look at top words
• 12/22/11 Basketball the way to Kim's heart and nuclear weapons
• 12/21/12 Speculation and wishful thinking can get scary
• 12/20/11 A third Kim has North Korea by the throat
• 12/19/11 Congress pats itself on back for budget bill
• 12/15/11 The U.S. government is cashing in its chips, literally
• 12/14/11 TSA might try trusting its own people
• 12/12/11 That $1.2 billion? It's around here some place
• 12/09/11 State Department Creates ‘Virtual Embassy’ For Iran
• 12/08/11 If you've ever tweeted, you're in the Library of Congress
• 12/07/11 Discoveries go to the core of what makes us humans
• 12/06/11 Stealing elections badly in Russia
• 12/05/11 Sometimes paranoia is common sense by another name
• 12/02/11 When the U.S. truly became one nation
• 12/01/11 Last chance to snap up a Maybach
• 11/30/11 Iran wants respect without earning it
• 11/29/11 Surprise! ‘Spider-Man’ may weave a profitable web
• 11/28/11 Italians entertain novel proposition: Paying their taxes
• 11/25/11 No time to let up on al-Qaida
• 11/24/11 Congress Quietly Abolishing Friday
• 11/23/11 Cleaning up after supercommittee implosion
• 11/22/11 Jailing minors with adults adds to problems
• 11/21/11 Brilliant strategy? Action by inaction
• 11/18/11They're going to eat horses, aren't they?
• 11/17/11 A pretend stick shift for pretend drivers
• 11/16/11 Clinton's ‘vast experiences’: Did NBC pick the wrong Chelsea?
• 11/15/11 Occupy protesters, you've made your point. Now, scat
• 11/10/11 Our vets are a national problem?
• 11/09/11 Requiem for a once-great sport
• 11/08/11 A toilet as smart as its occupant
• 11/07/11 Prerevolutionary gems in need of TLC
• 11/04/11 Feds must stop scam of stealing from dead children
• 11/03/11 Bank listens ‘very closely’ to customer lynch mob
• 11/01/11 TV that's leading the people away from ‘core socialist values’
• 10/31/11 NATO should not be a victim of its success
• 10/28/11 Iran mulls getting rid of president and presidency
• 10/27/11 Bienvenidos a Dayton and bring your businesses with you
• 10/26/11 Archivists long for Obama's teleprompter
• 10/25/11 United Nations to run the Internet?
• 10/24/11 Attention, world: You've got the cash. We've got the houses
• 10/19/11 Oil pipeline must be in America's future
• 10/18/11 U.S. plans ‘limited’ mission in an Africa with no limits
• 10/17/11 Social Security's grave mistakes
• 10/12/11 NASA's help-wanted sign for astronauts
• 10/10/11 Saving Thomas Jefferson''s chimneys
• 10/06/11 Uncle Sam's answer to deadbeats --- robo-calls
• 10/04/11 Christie should ignore jibes on his weight
• 10/03/11 Iran says its warships will head for Jersey shore
• 09/29/11 Europeans bristle at Obama's lectures
• 09/28/11 Jessica Rabbit for the defense
• 09/27/11 Russia learns outcome of next March's presidential election
• 09/26/11 Another try at leaving no child behind
• 09/23/11 This generation needs a job more than a name
• 09/22/11 In the lane next to you: A driverless car
• 09/20/11 Cloudy, cool, chance of falling satellite
• 09/14/11 Humanitarian extortion
• 09/13/11 Paging Dr. Watson; he's there in 3 seconds
• 09/09/11 Forecasting 100 percent chance of heavy metal
• 09/08/11 A jobs program at Obama's doorstep
• 09/07/11 Iran's government afraid of the water
• 09/06/11 Congress returns, tanned, rested and testy
• 09/05/11 Space nations must clean up after themselves
• 09/02/11 Osama bin Laden died a failure and he knew it
• 09/01/11 Time to retire political pie in the face
• 08/31/11 Labor Day celebrates what, exactly?
• 08/30/11 These arrestees really are framed
• 08/25/11 When in an earthquake, block traffic
• 08/23/11 A case for discretion in deportation arrests
• 08/22/11 Tough times or not, parents shell out for school
• 08/18/11 Being unpleasant for fun, profit, promotion
• 08/17/11 Time to prepare for the end game in Libya
• 08/16/11: ‘Super Committee’ starts facing reality
• 08/15/11: World's fastest plane disappears even faster
• 08/12/11: British cops track rioters through security cameras
• 08/11/11: Relax. There is no Death Star
• 08/10/11: House pages run final errands
• 08/09/11: U.S. treading water on job creation
• 08/08/11: Uncle Sam, the world's permanent guest
• 08/05/11: Most 9/11 victims not on federal death records
• 08/04/11: Russian PM calls U.S. a ‘parasite.’ He should be so lucky
• 08/03/11: Congress goes from one bind to another
• 08/02/11: D.B. Cooper may no longer be a mystery
• 08/01/11: Libya's latest weapon against NATO --- lawsuits
• 07/29/11: He'll always be known as Hot Wheels Handler
• 07/25/11: Recruiting children to save a dying town
• 07/22/11: Bachmann's admirable medical candor
• 07/12/11: Social Security's grave mistakes
• 07/08/11: Debt crisis need not be constitutional crisis
• 07/07/11: Startups entice new talent with kickball, treehouses
• 07/05/11: Stranded tourists get rare treat
• 06/30/11: The dollar Americans refuse to spend
• 06/27/11: The hangman doesn't cometh
© 2011, SCRIPPS HOWARD NEWS SERVICE
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