Jewish World Review March 24, 2011 / 18 Adar II, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Charlie Sheen sold out Radio City Music Hall for two stage shows Tuesday while CBS offered him his sitcom back and Fox offered him a talk show. His health is the sticking point. Charlie lost ten pounds last week and today the cartel is looking everywhere for him.
Libyan dictator Colonel Moammar Khadaffi's woes continued to mount Tuesday when his wife reportedly left him with plans to divorce. You can just take life with Moammar so for long. Every time there's a knock at the front door she has to sign for another cruise missile.
President Obama cut short his three-day trip to Latin America Monday to rush home and supervise Libya. He was losing control of the narrative. President Obama would never forgive himself if America won this thing while everyone was calling it Hillary's War.
Moammar Khadaffi gave a saber-rattling TV speech to Libya Tuesday. He is as surprised as any of us. Everyone thought Barack Obama campaigned for president against waging two wars at once as a lover of peace, not as a fitness trainer pushing us to make it to three.
House Democrats ripped Obama Monday on Libya, Iraq, Afghanistan, and drone attacks on Pakistan. Are they nuts? Right now Barack Obama is just a little cowboy rhetoric away from being re-elected president just on how much Americans loved Blazing Saddles.
President Obama changed up Tuesday and said the U.S. is going to install democracy in Libya. It has huge oil reserves and only six million citizens. This is the first war in history where a communist and the idle rich are fighting for pretty much the same amount.
Hillary Clinton alerted ABC News Tuesday that Moammar Khadaffi has been putting out feelers for a way out of Libya. This is where her White House experience comes in handy. No president can put out his feelers without Hillary being right there with the fly-swatter.
President Obama stated the U.S. military was under the command of the international community in Libya Tuesday. His insistence that Khadaffi must go was overruled by the U.N. no-fly rules. By the time this is over, CBS will be offering Moammar Khadaffi his sitcom back.
The Boston Red Sox were listed as favorites to win the American League pennant by Las Vegas bookies Monday. There's no reason why they can't. The Red Sox feel they can win the title every year now that the Curse of the Babe has been passed on to Tiger Woods.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie vetoed a bill to legalize Internet gambling. It was opposed by both the feds and the Mob. The negotiations took place in New Jersey, where popping the question means asking the woman you intend to marry if she's wearing a wire.
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez marked World Water Day Monday and said that capitalism and imperialism may have ended life on Mars. He said they likely used up all the water there, squeezed the planet dry and moved here. It would all sound silly and fantastic if the NASA Mars Rover didn't keep stumbling over copies of the Book of Common Prayer.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton