Jewish World Review March 11, 2011 / 5 Adar II, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Obama met with the Boston Celtics Tuesday, then hosted a party at the White House Wednesday to watch the Chicago Bulls play Charlotte. The president is tired of people thinking he's not an observant Christian. He's given up foreign policy for Lent.
President Obama met Hillary Clinton and CIA Director Leon Panetta in the White House Wednesday to plot the next move against Khadaffi. They've decided to do the only thing they know how to do. They're going to run commercials against him in Iowa.
Tiger Woods fell to fifth in the world on the eve of the Cadillac Championship this week at Doral. He's still number one to many. Charlie Sheen said he had tiger's blood Wednesday, prompting two porno actresses to chase him out of the house with a nine-iron.
USA Today reported California census numbers Tuesday showing that white people are fleeing the state. Every year Hispanics are a larger percentage of the population. The state law requiring everybody to have car insurance is not having the intended effect.
Nebraska lawmakers tabled an Arizona-style immigration bill Wednesday that had wide popular support. It was a tough vote for Democrats. When asked about the bill some Democrats said they were still on the fence while many others said they'd just hopped over it.
NPR's two top executives resigned after one was taped making fun of Tea Partiers as racists. NPR's time has passed. NPR started out as the radio arm of PBS, which came into existence only so Americans could enjoy British costume dramas without hemorrhoid commercials.
Michael Moore appeared in Madison Sunday to address a rally of Wisconsin union protesters. His face got redder and redder as he ranted against the rich. Ever since he replaced the light in his refrigerator with a tanning bulb he looks like a full-blooded Indian.
NASA scientists released a study Monday saying a small nuclear war would actually help to reverse global warming. It would have to be a very limited nuclear war. All we would need is a bomb that'll take out the government of Iran but will leave the oil fields standing.
Senator Harry Reid gave a speech to Nevada state lawmakers last week and urged them to outlaw prostitution. Better they keep hookers legal and outlaw the politicians. At least the hookers are up front about what they plan to do to you after you give them your money.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton