Jewish World Review March 1, 2011 / 25 Adar I, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Virgin Airlines founder Sir Richard Branson launched Virgin Galactic Friday. Their space ships will take rich people for rides into outer space. Islamic terrorists are going to be just furious when they hear that the Americans are up there and on the Virgins first.
Charlie Sheen went on radio Thursday dishing out anti-Semitic slurs against his TV show producer and claiming he could turn tin into gold. It's the drugs. He's so far out there that the Church of Scientology just warned all their new members not to be recruited into his cult.
U.S. refugees made it to Malta from Libya aboard a cruise ship Friday after their ship had been stalled in Tripoli's harbor by the weather for three days. The passengers were in a foul mood on the evacuation ship. After three days of nightclub routines on the differences between men and women and the inconvenience of air travel, they overthrew the comedian.
The FBI arrested a Saudi college student operating out of Lubbock on Wednesday for plotting to build a bomb to blow up U.S. landmarks under al-Qaeda's instruction. There's now an al-Qaeda of Lubbock? These guys have more franchises than The Real Housewives.
Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah tried to forestall revolt Thursday by giving his subjects thirty-seven billion dollars in direct payments. It worked. He spent days handing out cash to everybody and by Wednesday morning he was the mayor of Chicago.
White House former Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel was elected mayor of Chicago last week after a coalition of unions, women and businessmen joined to support his election. The win could bring some major changes to his life. He'll probably have to move to Chicago.
Canada decided Friday to let Randy Quaid and his wife stay in the country despite U.S. extradition requests. It never ends. Next year's Oscar ceremony will pause for a respectful montage of stars who are now in rehab, plus a montage of stars who need to be in rehab.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton