Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, we learn that Mattel has introduced a computerized toy that allows your dog to post updates to its very own Twitter page.
"Puppy Tweet" provides dog owners with a USB receiver that they connect to their computer. They then download the toy's software online, because, apparently, they have absolutely nothing else to do, and create a Twitter account for their dog.
When the dog moves or barks, a signal is sent from its Puppy Tweets tag to the receiver, which updates the dog's Twitter page. Owners can then check Twitter to see their dog's latest posts.
So this means it's possible that you'll be sitting in a business meeting with the big muckety-mucks at your company, and you will be alerted that your dog has just "licked my naughties BECAUSE I CAN."
Actually, that's probably not one of the 500 pre-programmed tweets that are included in Puppy Tweets because, let's face it, that's not the sort of message that one associates with wholesome Mattel.
Puppy Tweets works by attaching a sound and motion sensor to Bowser's collar where it randomly tweets when it detects barking or movement. Which, judging by the dogs in my neighborhood, should pretty much be every minute of every freakin' day. I can't manage to tweet more than once a month, and the dog across the street, who's so dumb he eats his own poo, will be embracing new media like a brand new chew toy. What is wrong with this picture?
Typical tweets, according to an article in the L.A. Times, might include: "I bark because I miss you. There, I said it. Now hurry home." Or, "I finally caught that tail I've been chasing and … Ouch!"
That's certainly "Awwwww" inducing but a bit boring, am I right? Wouldn't it be much more interesting to receive a tweet from your dog that said, "Hey Doofus! You left the gate open again. So what? So this. Let's just say that Lady across the street is one mighteeeeee satisfied Pomeranian."
Or how about, "I just ate your kid's baseball socks and have no idea why."
The funniest response to Puppy Tweets has been disappointment from some pet owners that the tweets aren't "real." Uh, yeah. Because, and I hate to break this to some of you but, dogs can't talk. Except for Fly in the movie "Babe." She could totally talk, no question.
Kitty Tweets can't be far behind, but I'm guessing they'll be a bit darker: "To find out who you are, you ask what are you not. Then you are left with what you are. Oh, and the loud, slobbery thing just ate another sock. I hate my life."