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Jewish World Review Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder, we learn that Mattel has introduced a computerized toy that allows your dog to post updates to its very own Twitter page. "Puppy Tweet" provides dog owners with a USB receiver that they connect to their computer. They then download the toy's software online, because, apparently, they have absolutely nothing else to do, and create a Twitter account for their dog. When the dog moves or barks, a signal is sent from its Puppy Tweets tag to the receiver, which updates the dog's Twitter page. Owners can then check Twitter to see their dog's latest posts. So this means it's possible that you'll be sitting in a business meeting with the big muckety-mucks at your company, and you will be alerted that your dog has just "licked my naughties BECAUSE I CAN." Actually, that's probably not one of the 500 pre-programmed tweets that are included in Puppy Tweets because, let's face it, that's not the sort of message that one associates with wholesome Mattel. Puppy Tweets works by attaching a sound and motion sensor to Bowser's collar where it randomly tweets when it detects barking or movement. Which, judging by the dogs in my neighborhood, should pretty much be every minute of every freakin' day. I can't manage to tweet more than once a month, and the dog across the street, who's so dumb he eats his own poo, will be embracing new media like a brand new chew toy. What is wrong with this picture? Typical tweets, according to an article in the L.A. Times, might include: "I bark because I miss you. There, I said it. Now hurry home." Or, "I finally caught that tail I've been chasing and … Ouch!" That's certainly "Awwwww" inducing but a bit boring, am I right? Wouldn't it be much more interesting to receive a tweet from your dog that said, "Hey Doofus! You left the gate open again. So what? So this. Let's just say that Lady across the street is one mighteeeeee satisfied Pomeranian." Or how about, "I just ate your kid's baseball socks and have no idea why." The funniest response to Puppy Tweets has been disappointment from some pet owners that the tweets aren't "real." Uh, yeah. Because, and I hate to break this to some of you but, dogs can't talk. Except for Fly in the movie "Babe." She could totally talk, no question. Kitty Tweets can't be far behind, but I'm guessing they'll be a bit darker: "To find out who you are, you ask what are you not. Then you are left with what you are. Oh, and the loud, slobbery thing just ate another sock. I hate my life." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? 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I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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