Jewish World Review March 30, 2010 / 15 Nissan 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
President Obama paid a surprise visit to Afghanistan to
visit U.S. troops Sunday after he forced the passage of health
care reform. These soldiers volunteered just in time. Now when
Uncle Sam points his finger at you, he's wearing a latex glove.
Caterpillar warned of layoffs Thursday saying health care
reform is increasing its costs. How'd this happen? The difference
between Bush and Obama is that when Obama seizes a country it
takes longer for the water and electricity to be turned off.
Californians collected enough signatures Thursday to put the
legalization of marijuana to a fall vote. They've been trying to
get this done for a decade. You would think there would be an
easier way to lure the NBA All-Star Game to Los Angeles.
Advertising Age said Tuesday the NCAA tournament will draw a
half billion dollars in ad revenue. It's money well spent. Polls
say basketball is the world's second favorite indoor sport, but
the other one's got more spectators on the Internet.
San Diego police rounded up dozens of wild horses who came
in out of the hills Thursday. The horses didn't stop until they
were roped by California Highway Patrol officers. It's a skill
they've developed after six months on the road catching Toyotas.
Fidel Castro praised President Obama as a miracle worker for
passing health care reform Friday but added that President Obama
is a capitalist-imperialist. What a wordsmith. Leave it to Castro
to issue a statement which makes both Democrats and Republicans
proud of President Obama.
CBS News ran a poll Wednesday showing that sixty-two percent
of Americans want Republicans to continue fighting against health
care reform. What a turnaround for the party. When Republicans
were fighting for freedom in Iraq, who needed them, but now that
they're fighting for freedom in the United States they're kind of useful.
Somali pirates were shot and killed by an oil tanker crew in
self-defense last week, sparking protests from the human rights
crowd. The pirates need to wait for things to cool off. Right now
each ship is equipped with a rifle and an opponent of health care reform.
Sea World suppressed a video of last month's whale attack on
a trainer in court Tuesday. These whales are excitable. Last week
a sperm whale attacked a submarine off Catalina Island, and now
every time the sub fires a torpedo, he passes out cigars.
Defense Secretary Robert Gates issued new rules Wednesday making it tougher to be tossed from the Army for being gay. This is a gay-friendly administration. The health care reform law has more mandates than intermission at a Liza Minnelli concert.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton