Jewish World Review March 12, 2010 / 26 Adar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Democrat Eric Massa says Rahm Emanuel stormed into the House gym shower naked and badgered him to vote for the president's budget. The congressmen was under investigation for groping three male staffers. Rahm Emanuel does a lot of research in order to find out how to give each congressman what he wants in exchange for his vote.
Joe Biden went to Israel to work on the Mideast peace process with Israel and the Palestinians. The president sent Biden to a region where one reckless remark could start a world war. Defense stocks rose on news that his plane landed safely in Israel.
Dan Rather told Chris Matthews Saturday that if the White House can't get health care passed, people will say President Obama couldn't sell watermelons on the roadside if a state trooper was stopping traffic for him. It offended many. The idea of cops pulling people over for no reason is still a sore subject in the black community.
House Democratic leader Steny Hoyer told reporters Tuesday that Congress was not bound by any White House deadline for passing health care. The congressman had an epiphany. Someone slipped a copy of the Constitution in his Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and he just found out that Congress has more power than the president.
The White House was reported by ESPN Tuesday to be considering banning sport fishing in America. It's a smart move. He's beginning to understand that the only way he can get reelected is if New York and California are the only two states left in the union.
The FBI arrested two Southern Californians Tuesday for taking and passing college tests for young Middle Eastern men so they could keep their student visas. A middle-aged white guy and a blonde college girl posed as young Middle Eastern men in classes and nobody in L.A. questioned them. A lot of people in show business change their names.
Howard Dean led protests outside an insurance conference in Washington Tuesday to demand national health care. He's not helping the situation. If he didn't march people outside in the cold and in the rain they might not get sick in the first place.
Senators Lindsey Graham and Chuck Schumer proposed a national ID card for everybody who has a job in America. Civil liberties lawyers and gun rights advocates hit the ceiling. It's the first time they've been on the same side of an issue since Yorktown.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton