Jewish World Review March 10, 2010 / 24 Adar 5770
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Sandra Bullock won the Oscar for Best Actress Sunday one day after she won the Razzie for Worst Actress in another movie. It's not new. Last year Toyota won Car of the Year from both Car and Driver magazine and the Personal Injury Attorneys Guild.
Tiger Woods reconciled with his wife Elin in Orlando Friday. He's amazing. Any guy who can make up with his wife without getting sued for breach of promise by any one of his fifteen mistresses has what we call in Los Angeles, good people skills.
Democratic Congressman Eric Massa said Rahm Emanuel approached him naked in the House shower and yelled at him to back health care. What a circus. Ever since Barney Frank took away the curtains, Democrats have enjoyed the element of surprise in the House shower.
San Diego cops assisted a Prius driver who was stuck going a hundred miles an hour Monday. Californians love this car. Not only can you drive in the carpool lane by yourself in a Prius but you can go a hundred miles an hour with full immunity.
The White House told staffers Monday to ignore all the press stories of palace intrigue in the Washington D.C. newspapers. It's bad. The president has been spiking everybody's Diet Cokes with Flomax but so far it hasn't stopped the continuous leaking.
The White House haggled with moderate Democrats opposed to health care reform Monday. It marked the one-year anniversary of the president's health care push. A year ago he was promising quality affordable health care for all Americans, and today he's promising to quit smoking eventually and do something about his cholesterol.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton