Jewish World Review March 27, 2009 / 2 Nisan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Special Relationship starring Dennis Quaid as Bill Clinton and Julianne Moore as Hillary begins filming in July about the Lewinsky scandal. It faces delays. The producers want to audition two hundred more actresses for the role of Monica Lewinsky.
Hillary Clinton rushed to Mexico City Wednesday to meet with Mexico's president about the drug violence on the border. Cocaine is exactly like any Latin American presidency. It gives you the sensation of absolute power but only for fifteen minutes.
Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd arrived at the White House for meetings on Tuesday. He landed in America not a moment too soon. He wanted to speak to people who love liberty and let them know that Australia is just a thirteen-hour flight away.
Congress held hearings on the AIG bailout on Capitol Hill Tuesday as lawmakers took turns blasting the bailout and the bonuses. No one's ever seen the public so angry at Wall Street. Things are so bad Dick Cheney just took his stockbroker hunting.
President Obama held a prime time press conference Tuesday in the East Room of the White House. He gave very long and dull and detailed answers to each question. It was such a drone that al-Qaeda terrorists listening on the radio dove for cover.
President Obama told reporters Tuesday that his budget will build a foundation for economic recovery. He warned it could get worse before it gets better. Things are so tough that even people not in Obama's administration aren't paying their taxes.
President Obama ordered hip-hop and rap music added to Air Force One's musical playlist Monday. It will be pumped over the plane's in-cabin sound system. To prevent violence against women, the flight attendants will be armed with pepper spray.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner asked Congress Tuesday for the power to seize any company he deems is failing and claim it for the Treasury. It was just a slight miscommunication. Last week when Tim Geithner heard the president call him the finest treasury secretary since Alexander Hamilton, he thought he said Czar Alexander.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton