Jewish World Review March 26, 2009 / 1 Nisan 5769
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The PGA Tour dropped Stanford Financial as its Memphis tournament sponsor last week over its securities fraud probe. This isn't going away, Jesse Jackson just flew to Memphis to protest the exclusion of financial advisors from Southern country clubs.
Barney Frank called Justice Antonin Scalia a homophobe in a interview Monday. A gay prostitution ring once operated out of the congressman's basement. The ring paid no taxes and made a ton of money but Barney Frank learned nothing from the experience.
AIG executives agreed Monday to give back the bonuses they received. For one long week news anchors kept railing about all the public outrage in America. No one knows if they're mad about the bonuses, the bailouts, the budget or just because everybody is supposed to be out of work and the traffic is just as bad as it ever was.
Disneyland will premiere its new It's a Small World ride this week in Southern California after two years of renovations. They do a great job of keeping the theme park up-to-date. Tomorrowland has been turned into a scale model of Mexico City.
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner released his plan to buy up toxic bank assets in partnership with private equity firms Monday, causing the Dow Jones to skyrocket five hundred points. He is smarter than everybody thinks. He'd pretty much have to be.
President Obama laughed at the plight of auto workers on CBS' 60 Minutes Sunday after he joked about the Special Olympics on Leno. He laughs at the worst things. Thank goodness the Founding Fathers gave us a vice president to go to foreign funerals.
Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David demanded millions each month in alimony from United Technologies founder George David. He's sixty-seven and she's thirty-six, but his new wife is even younger. Nancy Grace has been looking for that child for six months.
The Transition flying car was successfully tested in New York Friday. It's got wings that fold down from the car's sides and it takes flight at one hundred miles an hour. The FBI now has to spot Muslim terrorists when they enroll in traffic school.
Justice Department nominee and abortion rights activist Dawn Johnsen underwent confirmation hearings for assistant Attorney General. She has compared pregnancy to slavery. Pregnancy is nothing like slavery, those are just stretch marks.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2009, Argus Hamilton