Jewish World Review March 28, 2008 / 21 Adar II 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The New England Genealogical Society revealed that Barack Obama is a distant cousin of Brad Pitt, and Hillary is related to Angelina Jolie. It's another argument for a joint ticket. From now on if we want a country's oil we can preemptively adopt them.
The Pentagon admitted Tuesday it sent nuclear missile fuses to Taiwan thinking they were helicopter batteries. How scary. If the U.S. government can't tell the difference between a nuclear fuse and a battery, thank goodness the Prius is built by a Japanese company.
The Boston Red Sox met the Oakland A's in baseball's season opener at the Tokyo Dome in Japan Tuesday. Whenever someone hit a home run, the stadium crew played an air raid siren. Their thinking was, if we don't hold a grudge, they won't hold a grudge.
Barack Obama trailed Hillary Clinton in polls on Tuesday as the race tightened up. Rush Limbaugh is begging Republicans to help Hillary get elected. He's just discovered that when you tell a Barack Obama joke to a banquet crowd they just stare at you.
Barack Obama celebrated Easter Sunday with his family in a hotel in the Virgin Islands. He said he wanted to spend more time with his wife and kids. Hillary Clinton was happy to hear it because she thought it meant he was retiring in disgrace.
Chelsea Clinton was asked a question about the Monica Lewinsky scandal Tuesday by a college student in Indiana. She snapped it was none of his business. Chelsea still thinks the whole thing was a dispute between a glass blower and the dry cleaner.
Buddhists in New York tried to stage a march for Tibet Monday but were blocked by negligee-clad participants in International Pillow Fight Day. It had to happen. New York civil servants are way too busy committing adultery to process parade permits.
Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was indicted over a mistress scandal Tuesday a week after New York's Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned over a hooker. It's inspiring. The Jewish former governor of New York and the black mayor of Detroit are forging a common cause that has not been seen since the civil rights marches of the Sixties.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton