Jewish World Review March 21, 2008 / 14 Adar II 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
New York Governor David Paterson was blackmailed by a former mistress wielding audiotapes Tuesday, forcing him to admit many affairs. He replaced Eliot Spitzer the day before. The first requirement of a democratic society is continuity in government.
Barack Obama delivered an eloquent speech on race in America Tuesday. He tried to heal America's racial divide by talking about himself for thirty-five minutes. Hillary Clinton cannot believe she is running against a photo-negative of her husband.
Heather Mills offered Tuesday to tell talk shows about her marriage to Paul McCartney and her future career plans. She could be a counselor. She was last seen on a Sacramento River bank encouraging the gold diggers to put their shoulders into it.
Las Vegas bus tours began showing homes and hangouts of the mobsters who built the strip fifty years ago. It was a risky venture. The hotels lost a lot of money at blackjack because in those days the Los Angeles schools taught people how to count.
Warren Buffett will play himself on All My Children in May. He visits Erica in prison and tells her how to get out of an insider trading conviction. They write these scripts so far ahead of time that people were making money in the stock market.
The Dow Jones average soared four hundred twenty points Tuesday as the Federal Reserve moved to cheapen the dollar further by lowering interest rates. It didn't help gas prices. The Arabs are not impressed with America's new paper-for-oil program.
Hillary Clinton told U.S. veterans Wednesday that a U.S. president mustn't commit troops without being prepared to go all the way. Many people don't know that she was a Republican before she went to college. Thirty-seven years ago the U.S. Marines turned down Hillary's application to enlist because we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton