Jewish World Review March 14, 2008 / 7 Adar II 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Tiger Woods is favored to win his fifth straight tournament at Arnold Palmer's Bay Hill Invitational this week. What a sport. Golf is the only game which allows a politician to spend all day with three hookers without having to resign in disgrace.
John Daly was fired Tuesday by swing coach Butch Harmon, who said Daly loves drinking more than golf. Still, he's one of the nicest guys in the game. His fans appreciate the fact that he visits Jack Daniel's grave every April and leaves flowers.
The Weather Channel reported snow and ice storms blowing into the Eastern Seaboard from the Midwest Wednesday. The cold was bone chilling. It was so cold in New York that prostitutes were charging Eliot Spitzer an extra thousand dollars just to cuddle.
New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned Wednesday after it was learned he had spent eighty thousand dollars on hookers. His career is far from over. He woke up the next day to find himself leading all the polls to be the next president of France.
Wall Street cheered the fall of its longtime nemesis Eliot Spitzer Tuesday. He was caught by the new banking rules in the Patriot Act. Al-Qaeda always wanted to nail a crusader but they never thought they would get any help from the White House.
Eliot Spitzer made large cash transfers to a hooker in February, which triggered his wiretap. The feds have their hands full now. Arnold Schwarzenegger triggers the same wiretap every time he withdraws four thousand dollars to fill up his Hummer.
Eliot Spitzer admitted Tuesday he spent four thousand dollars to have sex with a call girl for two hours. People in Los Angeles all had the same reaction. Whether it is transportation or sex or Disneyland, in this day and age, nobody rides for free.
Tehran police chief Reza Zarei resigned Tuesday after being found naked with six naked hookers in a local brothel. His job was to enforce the Islamic dress code on women. If the police had just showed up five minutes later he would have had them dressed correctly.
Geraldine Ferraro caused a storm Monday by claiming Barack Obama got to where he is today because he's black. Anyone who criticizes Barack is a racist and anyone who criticizes Hillary is a sexist. In order to get these poisonous politics of race and gender out of the Democratic Party they are going to have to nominate a white guy.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton