Jewish World Review March 12, 2008 / 5 Adar II 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
: Los Angeles drinking water was discovered to contain pharmaceutical drugs this week. There are female sex hormones in the tap water. Jack Nicholson became the last surviving leading man of his generation because for forty he drank nothing but Scotch.
Barack Obama ridiculed Hillary Clinton for considering him as her running mate Monday, and Hillary responded by removing Obama from her running mate list. Las Vegas oddsmakers were not impressed. White males are 43-0 in this contest and a win by John McCain would put them only three wins away from tying Oklahoma's all-time record.
New York Governor Eliot Spitzer admitted Monday he hired five-thousand-dollar-an-hour prostitutes working in a Manhattan call girl ring. He did it to feed his ego. There simply wasn't enough room in the presidential race for any more New Yorkers.
Governor Eliot Spitzer was caught on a federal wiretap procuring a high-priced call girl. One thing is for sure now. Democrats in Congress will reauthorize Jim Crow laws before they allow the president to conduct any more warrantless wiretapping.
Governor Spitzer was caught on a federal wiretap arranging to meet a call girl in a famous Washington D.C. hotel. It's not unusual. The number of women who came over on the Mayflower will never equal the number of women who came across at the Mayflower.
NBC News in New York reported Monday that Eliot Spitzer introduced himself to the prostitutes using the name George Fox. No Democrat can be linked to Fox and survive. If he had called himself George CNN the party would have rallied to his side.
New York politicians formed a chorus calling for Governor Spitzer to resign on Monday in the wake of his call girl scandal. The lieutenant governor who would replace him is legally blind. That's the first good news Wall Street has had all year.
Florida officials started making plans Monday to hold a mail-in primary as the best way to help settle the Democratic nomination. Hillary has just one request. She wants all the mail-in votes just arriving for Al Gore to count as votes for her.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton