Jewish World Review March 11, 2008 / 4 Adar II 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
America's drinking water was found to contain pharmaceuticals in investigations revealed Sunday. Researchers found antibiotics, mood stabilizers and sex hormones in the tap water. At last Roger Clemens has a defense that can get him into the Hall of Fame.
The London Sun reported Sunday that a new security camera can see right through clothes and detect weapons and drugs. What a lifesaver. When a guy hits on a woman at a bar he can see if she is wearing a padded bra and she can see if he really has cocaine.
China foiled a plot Sunday to attack the Summer Olympics, which was hatched by terrorists operating in eastern Pakistan. The U.S. and Britain battle terrorists who are holed up in western Pakistan. When you think about it, Benazir Bhutto lived to a ripe old age.
London newspapers set sales records covering Prince Harry's combat experiences on his return home. It made the colonies look bad. The Bushes and Clintons are nice dynasties but when's the last time one of them was shown machine-gunning the Taliban?
John Kerry complained Sunday that the Clintons say simultaneously Barack Obama isn't ready to be president and he should be a heartbeat away. He's endorsed Obama. John Kerry wants everybody to know he voted for the Clintons before he voted against them.
Barack Obama said Sunday he's ahead in the popular vote and he thinks he will win the presidential nomination. So, he hasn't heard. Not only has Al Gore not made an endorsement, he hasn't given Barack the bad news about winning the popular vote.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton