Jewish World Review March 4, 2008 / 27 Adar I 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Democratic Party holds more primaries today and the pollsters' latest snapshots show Hillary on top of Obama in Ohio and Barack on top of Hillary in Texas. Today there'll be no losers. Larry Flynt just offered ten million dollars for the snapshots.
Kenyans blamed Hillary Clinton for circulating a photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban in Kenya. They demanded she pay his father's village one American cow for this insult. Foreigners will risk Mad Cow disease before they will take the U.S. dollar.
Barack Obama expressed anger Sunday over misperceptions that he's Muslim. It's nothing to worry about. Having the middle name Hussein doesn't make Barack Obama a Muslim any more than the middle name Walker makes President Bush a twelve-year-old Scotch.
Hillary Clinton aired a new set of campaign commercials Friday which question Barack Obama's readiness to be a responsible U.S. commander in chief. Hillary must be careful comparing Barack Obama to President Bush. There are libel laws to consider.
Barack Obama told Ohio voters Sunday that he's tired of people questioning his religion and spreading rumors he's Muslim. He said every night he prays directly to Jesus. In truth it's not so much a prayer as it is a support group for saviors.
Hillary Clinton went on NBC's Saturday Night Live for a sketch and the cast was especially polite to her. They sure love her on that show. This time tomorrow her picture could be in the studio hallway right next to John Belushi's and Chris Farley's.
The Pew Center on the States released a study Thursday claiming that one in every one hundred Americans is in prison. It's a source of pride for some. O.J. Simpson will brag to anyone on the golf course that he always tested in the ninety-nine percentile.
Houston Astros owner Drayton McLane vowed Monday to honor his personal services contract with Roger Clemens. He loves the guy. He will change the team colors back to orange if it makes Roger feel less conspicuous picking up trash along the roadside.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton