Jewish World Review March 30, 2007 / 11 Nissan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The White House announced President Bush will not throw out the first pitch on Opening Day due to fears of booing. He's not the first president to worry about being hit by flying vegetables. The tomatoes used to throw themselves at Bill Clinton.
Snoop Dogg was denied a visa to enter Great Britain Monday. They shouldn't keep him out. Snoop Dogg was just arrested for drugs in Amsterdam, and anyone who can do the impossible should be welcomed in London to help out with the Iranian negotiations.
National Football League owners voted Tuesday to make video replay a permanent tool. Not everyone is happy about having high-definition big screens in stadiums. Jerry Jones will not accept a trophy unless there's Vaseline on all the camera lenses.
The National Review called Wednesday for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to resign. All of the signs say go. His assistant Monica Goodling just took the Fifth Amendment, and in Washington it's never a good idea to throw a Monica under the desk.
Senator Barack Obama accused Republicans Tuesday of employing Social Darwinism in their policies. That angle of attack could win him a lot of votes. Opposing the Survival of the Fittest is a smart strategy in a country with an obesity epidemic.
The Gallup Poll released Tuesday said Law and Order star Fred Thompson came out of nowhere to run in third place among GOP voters behind Rudy Giuliani and John McCain. He is a Hollywood conservative. Only the Unabomber has spent more time alone.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton