Jewish World Review March 20, 2007 / 1 Nissan, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Arnold Palmer hosted the Bay Hill Invitational in Florida Sunday. He finally yielded to family pressure and agreed not to compete. Last year he drove twice into the water, embarrassing everybody and ruining the upholstery in two golf carts.
The Weather Channel said a brutal heat wave ruined the St. Patrick's Parade in Phoenix. Tempers flared. It started out as an expression of Irish pride and by the end of the day they were all protesting the use of Redskins as a mascot name.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said Friday it has been the warmest winter ever. Climatologists warned that Los Angeles and Miami could someday be totally underwater. Just the losses in wet cocaine would be incalculable.
Heather Mills McCartney was told to stop calling the London police emergency number. She was complaining daily about the paparazzi. She should just get in the limo and head for the tunnel in Paris, like they told her the first time she called.
Law and Order star Fred Thompson excited social conservatives when he hinted at a White House run. An actor may be fine with evangelicals. After months of seeing video clips of Rudy in drag, Hollywood values will look Moses-approved by comparison.
Senator John McCain was forced to hire a snow plow in New Hampshire Saturday to keep his Straight Talk Express bus from getting stuck on the road. It was a metaphor for his campaign. Eight years ago the Straight Talk Express was a symbol of honesty, courage and candor with the American people, and today it is a gay slur.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton