Jewish World Review March 6, 2007 / 16 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Wall Street stabilized Wednesday following a four-hundred-point plunge in the Dow Jones average the day before. The corporate losses are already affecting small businesses. In New York City alone Taco Bell had to lay off two thousand rats.
The Cherokee Nation voted on Saturday to revoke the citizenship of the black descendants of the tribe's former slaves. It's no secret what brought this up. The Cherokees own a lot of casinos and they don't want the NBA All-Star Game on their reservation.
Hillary Clinton went to a civil rights ceremony in Selma Sunday and spoke to a local black Baptist Church congregation. She mentioned her husband at the top of her speech. Whenever you face a tough crowd you have to open with your best joke.
Bill Clinton was mobbed by an adoring crowd in Selma on Sunday when he arrived to march with Hillary at the ceremonial Bridge Crossing Jubilee. There was nothing separating him from the crowd. Ropes aren't allowed at civil rights rallies any more.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama gave alternate speeches at the bridge in Selma Sunday. Every twenty minutes Obama would electrify them and then Hillary would put them to sleep. After one session everyone in attendance quit cigarettes for good.
Senator Barack Obama told a congregation in Selma Sunday that his father had a job herding goats in Kenya. Americans are skeptical. We've learned that even if the father didn't herd the goats into Baghdad it's no guarantee of what the son will do.
Barack Obama campaigned in Los Angeles last week. It's a balancing act. He is the son of a Kansas woman and an African father, campaigning in a state where an Austrian was just re-elected governor by Mexicans demanding the rights of Englishmen.
Arnold Schwarzenegger called Tuesday for a guest worker program for millions of illegal aliens and political refugees. Asylum seekers say they are determined to stay in America and live free. Now all they have to do is qualify for disability.
John Edwards spoke at a union rally Sunday at the University of California at Berkeley. He said he was helping janitors to unionize so they can make a living wage. All the second-hand pot smoke makes them so hungry they need five meals a day.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton