Jewish World Review March 5, 2007 / 15 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Baltimore Sun reported Friday that Barack Obama's ancestors on his mother's side owned slaves. He's black on his father's side. Upon hearing the news, Barack Obama immediately wrote himself a one-hundred-thousand-dollar check for reparations.
The White House fired the general in charge of Walter Reed Army Hospital and his staff Thursday. The quality of care is the issue. Heads are rolling at Walter Reed Hospital and those are just the guys who came in to get their toenails trimmed.
Bill Clinton changed his schedule Friday to go with Hillary to Selma to help her draw a crowd for a church appearance on Sunday. Then he will accompany her to the Bridge Crossing Jubilee. In exchange he gets the next six Saturdays unsupervised.
Arnold Schwarzenegger urged compassion for illegal aliens in a speech to the Governor's Conference in Washington D.C. Their plight is well known. Some of them suffer from poverty and some from claustrophobia, it depends on how they came over.
Rudy Giuliani spoke to a conservative group in Washington Friday. He mentioned Ronald Reagan a dozen times. He wrapped himself so tightly in the Gipper's mantle that the Screen Actors Guild called and told him his dues were three years overdue.
NBA star Tracy McGrady said New Orleans is too dangerous to host the NBA All-Star Game next year. The league has two choices. They either need to hold the game in Baghdad, where there's enough security, or in Amsterdam, where everything's legal.
Hillary Clinton will go to Selma for a civil rights commemoration today. She must compete with Barack Obama. There won't be a dry eye in the house when she tells the crowd how she was discriminated against in Arkansas because she was a Goldwater Girl.
John Edwards was warned by Democrats in Nevada Thursday that his support for a bill to ban betting on college sports will cost him the state. You have to love Nevada. It's the only place where a personal injury lawyer has the moral high ground.
Rudy Giuliani went flying past John McCain in the GOP presidential poll of likely primary voters last week. The breadth of his support is astonishing. In one survey he received sixty-six percent support, and that was in a poll of his ex-wives.
The Recording Industry of America sued tens of thousands of college students Tuesday for downloading music illegally off the Internet. This is a disaster. There will be no Social Security for Baby Boomers to collect if the next generation has to spend all their money paying off college loans and the downloading settlement.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton