Jewish World Review March 1, 2007 / 11 Adar, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Al Gore's electricity bill for his Nashville mansion and pool house was made public Tuesday. His bill is thirty thousand dollars a year. That night, two coal miners in Tennessee died after they fell sixty feet into Al Gore's carbon footprint.
NASA delayed next week's Space Shuttle launch due to hail damage to the fuel tank and the wing Monday. All the dents and dings could cause the shuttle to fly erratically. They cannot afford to lose any more astronauts to the Lover's Triangle.
Mitt Romney's secret campaign play book was leaked to the press Tuesday. His strategists reveal they're going to try to turn Hillary into a Frenchwoman. Bill Clinton offered to donate to the campaign if they'd turn her into Catherine Deneuve.
Hillary Clinton forgot to disclose that she gave money to a charity run by the Arkansas lawyer who once helped her make a killing in cattle futures. Her old friends aren't surprised. When Hillary first saw The Sting starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford, she was the only girl in the audience who fell in love with The Sting.
Prince Charles was in the United Arab Emirates Tuesday, where he suggested that McDonald's restaurants be banned worldwide. The prince was in the Middle East for family reasons. Like any doting father, he was dropping off his son on his first day at war.
Condi Rice said the U.S. will attend a Mideast regional peace conference hosted by Iraq which will include Iran and Syria. It's time to act. If the violence is this bad now, how bad will it be when the NBA All-Star Game gets there next year?
NBA players union chief Billy Hunter vowed to sue the league Monday if next year's All-Star Game is held in New Orleans as scheduled. However, NBA fans love New Orleans. It's a city where rap stars are referred to as artists, not defendants.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton