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February 13, 2012
Binyamin Rose: Back to the Bunker: How a life-risking act by a Christian family during the Holocaust saved a family and built a thriving community a world away
Menachem Wecker: Business Schools Teach Real Estate Despite Troubled Housing Market
February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
March 24, 2006
/ 24 Adar, 5766
I'll Always Have Jersey: Discovering my need for speed
By
Gene Weingarten
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Some weeks ago I confessed in a column that I'd been popped by a New Jersey state trooper for going 82 mph on an interstate. This resulted in many earnest e-mails from concerned citizens chastising me for Setting a Bad Example for the Nation's Youth. But I also got one letter, from Dan Carney of Herndon, calling me a pantywaist.
Eighty-two is nothing, Dan said, and invited me to accompany him as he test-drove a 2006 Corvette. Dan is a writer for automotive magazines.
Chevrolet has come out with a new six-speed Corvette, a vast improvement over its previous five-speed model in the sense that it has a whole extra gear no one will ever use. Dan explained that, to an automotive writer, this is a highly significant engineering development, because it creates an important pretext to get a hot demo car as a loaner.
My own car is a 15-year-old Mazda 323 with an engine the size of a KitchenAid countertop appliance. This is a car that, when manipulated properly by an experienced driver such as myself, can accelerate from zero to 60 in the time it takes a potato to rot. But Dan's challenge appealed to me, for two reasons:
(1) A guy does not like to be called a pantywaist. A guy likes to think of himself as a studly, fearless individual who isn't afraid of anything, not even fear itself. Not even the fear of fear itself.
(2) I figured, he may be an automotive writer, but he's still a citizen with a driver's license to protect. He's still going to have to observe the laws of the road, right?
So I immediately said yes, and Dan said swell, and he told me where to meet him: at a racetrack.
It turns out Dan is not just a writer, but a race car driver. He owns a Formula Ford car, which is one of those triangular things that ride so low to the ground they look like flatirons skidding on ice. You know those cars. You often see pictures of them in the newspaper, upside down, airborne, crashing into grandstands.
Anyway, Dan arrived in his blue Corvette loaner, and I have to say, I was immediately put at ease. Not only is Dan a laconic, sauntering, unthreatening, cowboy-smiley sort of guy, but the first thing I noticed, to my amusement, is that his bad-boy Corvette had an automatic transmission. Dan listened laconically as I derided this pathetic sissy of a car with its weenie little slushbox. Then he laconically instructed me to (1) sign a paper holding the racetrack harmless if I expired, and (2) put on my seat belt and shoulder harness, and shut up.
In technical automotive-writer terms, this puppy had about 400 horses, which is roughly 320 horses more than my Mazda. They were loud, grumbling horses. I did a little thought experiment to imagine what it's like riding in a 400-horsepower automobile: I pictured a small stagecoach being pulled by 400 thundering appaloosas, and inside the coach is a school-marm, in a big, flouncy schoolmarm dress with petticoats, which are soaked.
In as casual and manly a fashion as possible, I asked Dan how fast we would be going, and he said he doubted we would exceed 110 mph. This didn't seem all that fast until I saw the track, which looked to be the size of a suburban driveway.
It turns out that the Jefferson Circuit at Summit Point raceway in West Virginia is not a track like Indy, but rather something with hairpin turns and straightaways no longer than about 800 feet, which seems even shorter when your eyeballs are being pressed back into your brain. A 'Vette with the pedal to the metal will do zero to 60 in 4 1/2 seconds, and we were done with the straightaway in six seconds flat. At which point Dan applied the brakes at 110 mph at what seemed to be waaaay past the last possible moment, but the tires bit, and we screamed into the turn, the car hugging the road like Huggy Bear. I know that is a terrible analogy, but I was incapable of thinking coherently at the time, and that is what I wrote in my notebook.
At least, I think that is what I wrote. I took copious notes during the 10 minutes we were on the track, but can read almost none of them due to G-force-induced horizontal distortion and lateral hand tremor. When we were done, we had to take a "cool-down" lap because — I swear — the tires were smoldering.
Then Dan handed me the wheel. I buckled in, did my best to look cowboy-laconic, hit the accelerator, and — I don't want to brag, here — I handled that 'Vette like a senior citizen in a fedora negotiating the streets of Lantana, Fla., en route to an Early Bird Special.
It's okay. I'll always have my traffic ticket. Did I mention I was doing 82?
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Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.
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