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Jewish World Review March 2, 2006 / 2Adar 5766
Lessons of the ports deal
By James Lileks
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Perhaps you're confused by the so-called "ports deal" flap, which is rapidly reaching "imbroglio" status. At least in the Italian papers. Let us recap.
2. The inhumanly perfect Rovian spin machine is not infallible. If they couldn't see how this would be a bombshell headline, they need to recalibrate their relevancy meter.
3. In order to keep moderate Arab regimes on our side, it is necessary to recognize the realities of the global economy, and if you don't think Kuwait should run 100 percent of American refineries, you're an isolationist and a racist to boot.
4. Everything important seems owned by mysterious guys in boardrooms on the other side of the planet.
5. The opportunism of some politicians is boundless; some of the Democratic critics of the ports deal, particularly those named Clinton, had no problem giving China the keys to the Panama Canal back in the '90s.
And finally: Those six al-Qaida guys we mentioned are probably halfway to Houston by now.
A British firm with the quaint name of Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation controlled some American ports, staffing the docks with Beefeaters and fierce Gurkha soldiers who shot intruders on sight. It sold its interests to a company run by someone named Ladina Bin Osam, located in the fictional nation of "Dubai" (actually a post office box in Tehran). That company immediately announced plans to rechristen the docks "Martyr's Gangways" and convert all cargo ships into troop transports that would fling plague-infected suicide bombers from offshore by means of catapults.
Supporters of the deal point out that "Dubai," which is how "Dubya" is pronounced in Arabic, is actually a great ally of the U.S., despite the fact that the country's seal shows the Twin Towers on fire, with the words "Bingo!" written below in elegant script. Pressed for comment, President Bush said critics should "wad up a sock and swallow it," adding that he would veto any attempt to veto the deal -- unless it included $903 billion in additional spending, in which case, let's talk.
While you were reading that, six al-Qaida agents cleared customs in Mexico with a liter of VX nerve gas masquerading as a 7-Up jug.
Well, no. Disregard everything written so far. For that matter, disregard everything that follows and cut right to the sense of Uneasy Acquiescence, which is where you'll be in a few months no matter who says what. The ports deal, as it's known, will probably go through after enough congresspersons get the chance to model the latest fashions before the cameras, and harrumph enough in front of witnesses to make us all feel secure.
Your correspondent hated the deal when the news first broke, and has been somewhat mollified by the quantity of smart right-wing war fiends who are not concerned. Gens. Tommy Franks and Peter Pace are on board, and neither seems like the sort of person to mutter "oh, whatev" when the possibility of secret-agent penetration arises. Customs, the Coast Guard and Homeland Security will still be responsible for security at the ports. And so you unclench.
But wait! The Coast Guard had concerns, according to a new memo. You reclench. A Coast Guard intelligence assessment, as quoted by the Associated Press, said: "There are many intelligence gaps, concerning the potential ... to support terrorist operations. ... The breadth of the intelligence gaps also infer potential unknown threats against a large number of potential vulnerabilities." Aw, dang.
But wait! The AP also reports: "The Coast Guard said the concerns reflected in the document ultimately were addressed. In a statement, the Coast Guard said other U.S. intelligence agencies were able to provide answers to the questions it raised. `The Coast Guard, the intelligence community and the entire CFIUS (Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States) panel believed this transaction received the proper review, and national security concerns were, in fact, addressed,' the Coast Guard said."
Expect more whipsawing in weeks to come. Meanwhile, what have we learned?
1. Dick Cheney's hunting accident was not, as it turns out, the story of the century.