Jewish World Review March 27, 2006 / 27 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Phoenix was the site of a massive march by illegal aliens who walked off the job Friday to protest immigration reform. President Bush is dismayed. He hadn't figured on Americans getting a chance to take the jobs illegal aliens refuse to do.

Los Angeles had a huge street rally on Saturday where thousands of Hispanics waved Mexican flags. It was very healing. The Black Panthers and the Ku Klux Klan signed a joint statement vowing to work together to take back the country they love.

Jesse Jackson demanded the postponement of the elections in New Orleans next month because the black people haven't come home yet. The town is Republican without them. White people now flock to Preservation Hall to watch Debbie Boone scat.

The Red Cross agreed to investigate claims that volunteers stole huge amounts of cash from Hurricane Katrina donations. Charity officials said they did the best they could. If they had done any better we'd be buying their candelabras at auction.

Gong Show creator Chuck Barris wrote a book about his dream quiz show. In it the contestant either wins one hundred million dollars or gets executed. It just shows that everyone watches the trial of Saddam Hussein and sees something different.

Barry Bonds sued the authors of Game of Shadows under a California statute called the unfair competition law. The book details his use of steroids. Barry Bonds shouldn't be suing under the unfair competition law, he should be prosecuted under it.

South Park's season premiere on Wednesday skewered Isaac Hayes for leaving the show. The producers made his character Chef a pedophile and had him impaled on a tree and eaten by wolves. It just shows that white people can't tell the difference between Isaac Hayes and Michael Jackson.

Charlie Sheen said Monday he believes the September 11th attacks were staged by the government. He called the Twin Towers collapse a controlled implosion. It was the fastest possible way for him to find out if mushrooms violate his probation.

Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid said he'll stop any immigration bill that doesn't lead to citizenship for illegal aliens. The senator loves farm workers. He's from Nevada and every time he sees three pieces of produce he thinks he's hit the jackpot.

Hillary Clinton held a seminar on Equity Pay for Women at Stony Brook University on Thursday. This is a family commitment. Bill Clinton promised better pay for women in the workplace, and if you count harassment settlements he really delivered.

China announced Friday that Chinese president Hu Jintao will pay an official state visit in four weeks. He's coming to the United States for a summit. Every time he meets with the board of directors at Wal-Mart the world hangs in the balance.