Jewish World Review March 22, 2006 / 22 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones signed egomaniacal superstar Terrell Owens last weekend. The inmates are running the asylum now. Bill Parcells would worry about losing his job to somebody who can control this team but Udey Hussein is dead.

NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue said Monday he will retire in August, leaving the door open for Secretary of State Condi Rice to fulfill her dream of becoming football commissioner. The country will never stand for it. This is an important job.

Terry Bradshaw drew critical raves for the movie Failure to Launch. He takes life as it comes. Until Terry Bradshaw was forty he thought it was a coincidence that the door opens every time he steps on the rubber mat walking into the grocery store.

Senator Russ Feingold's move to censure President Bush last week turned into a Democratic party campaign strategy debate over whether to press for impeachment. Democrats can run on a promise to impeach President Bush but that's not going to get them elected. Nobody trusts them to keep a campaign promise.

Democratic Congressman Martin Sabo of Minnesota announced his retirement Monday after forty-six years in politics. He said Congress has become too polarized, and it's true. HBO is adding more nudity to The Sopranos because the violence can't compete with the House of Representatives.

The White House said Monday it is likely that bird flu will be detected in the U.S. this year. They said they have a plan to increase the monitoring of migratory birds. Don't ask what the NSA's going to spend to translate the recordings.

Don Rumsfeld on Sunday compared pulling U.S. troops out of Iraq to giving postwar Germany back to the Nazis. He's out of his depth here. Comparing anything to the Nazis is a delicate business and should only be attempted by professional comedians.

Dell Computers outsourced twenty thousand more jobs to India on Monday. They added manufacturing jobs to the existing call- center jobs. In this week's office pool, Michael Dell has Bombay and Calcutta and New Delhi and Bangalore in his Final Four bracket.