Jewish World Review March 17, 2006 / 17 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Barry Bonds faced more allegations of steroid use in a new book Tuesday. The next day he had a homer and two hits and a sacrifice bunt. A sacrifice bunt is so out of character for Barry Bonds that it can only be viewed as witness tampering.

The World Baseball Classic was reported on Thursday to be a ratings hit with Americans. Never-before-seen Caribbean and Asian stars have sensational skills. George Steinbrenner feels like he's been greeted in paradise by seventy-two virgins.

New Orleans cheered the arrival of college students Wednesday who will spend spring break helping out. It's ten days everybody needs. The city needs workers the government can't provide, and the students need someplace to detox before finals.

The New York Times warned Monday that new sleeping pills are causing Americans to binge-eat and have wild sex while asleep. It's bizarre. Psychiatrists call this behavior the desire to live in a parallel universe where Democrats are back in charge.

Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin attempted Monday to censure President Bush for wiretapping Americans without warrants. Democrats played possum but the Bush administration hasn't heard the last from Russ Feingold. He's from the Badger State.

The FCC on Wednesday upheld the half million dollar fine against CBS TV stations for Janet Jackson's breast exposure at the Super Bowl two years ago. That sounds right. It comes to two hundred fifty thousand dollars per boob, about what we pay Congress.

House Republicans agreed Wednesday on a temporary ban on privately-paid trips. They rejected a proposed measure for an independent ethics office. How many times do taxpayers need to be taught that it's a big mistake to let a dog guard your food?

Dubai Ports World guessed Wednesday it should take six months to sell its U.S. port operations. Right now Arabs own our ports, the longshoreman are accused of being Mafia-controlled, and Bolivia wants to legally export cocaine. This affects every state in the union if Al Gore is correct about the rate the oceans are rising.