Jewish World Review March 17, 2006 / 17 Adar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Barry Bonds faced more allegations of steroid use in a new
book Tuesday. The next day he had a homer and two hits and a
sacrifice bunt. A sacrifice bunt is so out of character for Barry
Bonds that it can only be viewed as witness tampering.
The World Baseball Classic was reported on Thursday to be a
ratings hit with Americans. Never-before-seen Caribbean and Asian
stars have sensational skills. George Steinbrenner feels like he's
been greeted in paradise by seventy-two virgins.
New Orleans cheered the arrival of college students
Wednesday who will spend spring break helping out. It's ten days
everybody needs. The city needs workers the government can't
provide, and the students need someplace to detox before finals.
The New York Times warned Monday that new sleeping pills are
causing Americans to binge-eat and have wild sex while asleep.
It's bizarre. Psychiatrists call this behavior the desire to live
in a parallel universe where Democrats are back in charge.
Senator Russ Feingold of Wisconsin attempted Monday to
censure President Bush for wiretapping Americans without warrants.
Democrats played possum but the Bush administration hasn't heard
the last from Russ Feingold. He's from the Badger State.
The FCC on Wednesday upheld the half million dollar fine
against CBS TV stations for Janet Jackson's breast exposure at the
Super Bowl two years ago. That sounds right. It comes to two
hundred fifty thousand dollars per boob, about what we pay Congress.
House Republicans agreed Wednesday on a temporary ban on
privately-paid trips. They rejected a proposed measure for an
independent ethics office. How many times do taxpayers need to be
taught that it's a big mistake to let a dog guard your food?
Dubai Ports World guessed Wednesday it should take six months to sell its U.S. port operations. Right now Arabs own our ports, the longshoreman are accused of being Mafia-controlled, and Bolivia wants to legally export cocaine. This affects every state in the union if Al Gore is correct about the rate the oceans are rising.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton