Jewish World Review March 16, 2006 / 16 Adar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Senator Russ Feingold moved to censure President Bush Monday
for wiretapping illegally but got no help. The Democrats just left
him hanging. They saw it done on The Sopranos the night before and
they thought it was the best part of the show.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame held an induction ceremony in
New York Monday at the Waldorf-Astoria hotel. It was a nice change
of pace for sports fans. This is one Hall of Fame that does not
ban anybody for using performance-enhancing drugs.
Minnesota Vikings quarterback Dante Culpepper signed with
the Miami Dolphins Monday. Last fall he was the ringleader of a
team boat cruise on Lake Minnetonka that featured pot smoking and
lap dances. Some guys were just born to play in Miami.
The Humane Society failed in court Tuesday to get a ban on
the sale of American horsemeat. The judge allowed the slaughtering
of horses for meat. The next day in Baltimore, the entire field at
Pimlico finished the first race in under two minutes.
The White House advisor on bioterrorism quit Monday. He
stockpiled anthrax vaccine no one would take, and bird flu vaccine
no one wanted, and smallpox vaccine no one will try. Now that Iran
is getting nuclear weapons, no one's worried about germs.
The Senate Judiciary Committee grilled oil company
executives on Capitol Hill Tuesday about profits and prices. How
well did the oil industry do last year? The most pressing issue in
Houston this month is affordable housing for the Astros.
Teddy Kennedy said Monday the Medicare prescription drug
plan is evidence of White House incompetence. His attention to
prescription drugs is right on time. About the tenth day of Lent,
Democrats always turn to sedatives as a substitute for Scotch.
Japan introduced a chewing gum that enhances breast size Tuesday. The makers say it augments the size and shape of breasts if chewed regularly. No one wants to say what's in the gum but each pack comes with Barry Bonds' rookie baseball card.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton