Jewish World Review March 13, 2006 / 13 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | John Gotti Jr. is free after a mistrial was declared for a second time in New York Friday. The jury felt sorry for him after they heard he left the Mafia six years ago and never killed anybody in his life. He is the black sheep of the family.

The Weather Channel reported a freak winter storm struck Southern California Friday night. Snow fell in Los Angeles for the first time since the Seventies. Teenagers who think Red Bull gets you up and going got the education of their lives.

The Red Bull energy drink company bought a Major League Soccer team Friday. The MetroStars were renamed Red Bull New York. It won't be long before Dubai Ports World gives George Steinbrenner a billion dollars to re-name the Yankees the Screaming Saladins.

The Southern Republican Leadership Conference met in Memphis at the Peabody Hotel. This group means business. They blindfolded each presidential candidate and gave him a stick, then spun him around three times to see who could beat Hillary.

President Bush praised the United Arab Emirates on Friday as a good customer of American goods. They just bought forty-two jumbo passenger jets from Boeing. That one-hundred-story hotel in Dubai had better not say anything nice about Israel.

NASA scientists said Thursday they believe they have spotted signs of water on Saturn's moon. It's one of the requirements of life on other planets. Whenever it is budget time on Capitol Hill, NASA tries to give taxpayers some hope of escape.

The American Trucking Association warned Friday there's a shortage of truck drivers in America. The job requires skill and stamina. Trucking schools teach you how to drive the big rigs, how to communicate by CB radio, and how to comply with environmental rules and still keep the refugees in the back from suffocating.

The Academy Awards telecast Sunday drew ten million fewer viewers than last year. The industry is vowing to be more mainstream. The early favorite for next year's Oscar is a movie about a nuclear family called Please Don't Eat the Plutonium.

Condoleezza Rice meets with Bolivia's new president Evo Morales Saturday. The Bolivian is a coca grower who campaigned on a promise to legalize its export. This is just another chance for baby boomers to resent how easy kids have it today.

Retired Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan stunned Washington Monday by signing an eight million dollar deal to pen his autobiography for Penguin Books. There is already talk of a movie deal for the book. It's called Memoirs of a Geezer.