Jewish World Review March 10, 2006 / 10 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Donald Trump said Tuesday his daughter Ivanka is so pretty he would probably date her if they weren't related. His intentions were actually very clear. If G-d thinks he's a hillbilly it gives him a better shot at winning the Powerball Lottery.

Jerry Jones led talks Tuesday to try to force NFL owners to spend money more competitively. They now live in a system of revenue sharing. If it were any more fair and equal, a Republican would urge Mr. Tagliabue to tear down this contract.

Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer revealed Tuesday there's been a lot more discussion during court deliberations since the new guys got there. He said he believes it's because they are younger. You know how people talk when they're awake.

North Korea accidentally fired two missiles Wednesday, sparking safety concerns on the American West Coast. Los Angeles has no early warning system for nuclear radiation. Civil Defense is simply monitoring George Hamilton for early blistering.