Jewish World Review March 8, 2006 / 8 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The Academy Awards honored gay cowboys, transsexual love, and two films that showed the terrorists' point of view. The evening backfired on Hollywood. Forget alternative fuels, most people now regard the San Andreas fault as America's greatest hope.

Tiger Woods won the Ford Championship Sunday at the famed Doral Country Club in Miami Beach. There were sixty thousand people at the golf course each day. Ford employees were happy they had something to do and somewhere to go during the day.

New Hampshire police warned Sunday of a dangerous kids' game that's sweeping the nation. Teenagers are choking themselves to feel the rush afterwards. It's just terrible, children should try to model themselves after the White Sox, not the Cubs.

Hindu priests in India were outraged last week when President Bush's security team brought bomb-sniffing dogs into a holy shrine to Gandhi. They thought it was a desecration, but they just don't understand American culture. We worship dogs.

President Bush lauded Pakistan as an ally in the war on terror Saturday. The country has a stellar security record. They may shelter Osama bin Laden and give nuclear technology to North Korea, but at least they never sold their ports to Arabs.

President Bush fell to the lowest approval ratings of his presidency Friday in the Gallup poll. For the first time, he's trailing Dick Cheney. Not since Ed McMahon beat Johnny Carson to a punch line has a successful partnership turned so frosty.

University of North Carolina student Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar tried to run over fellow students with his Jeep Cherokee but no one was seriously injured. The Iranian said he wanted to avenge Muslim deaths. The Los Angeles Times denounced him for trying to hurt a car.

Bolivia's new socialist president Evo Morales nationalized the oil companies on Sunday. He follows in the footsteps of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez. The World Baseball Classic is barely underway and already Fidel Castro is ahead two to nothing.