Jewish World Review March 8, 2006 / 8 Adar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Academy Awards honored gay cowboys, transsexual love,
and two films that showed the terrorists' point of view. The
evening backfired on Hollywood. Forget alternative fuels, most
people now regard the San Andreas fault as America's greatest hope.
Tiger Woods won the Ford Championship Sunday at the famed
Doral Country Club in Miami Beach. There were sixty thousand
people at the golf course each day. Ford employees were happy they
had something to do and somewhere to go during the day.
New Hampshire police warned Sunday of a dangerous kids' game
that's sweeping the nation. Teenagers are choking themselves to
feel the rush afterwards. It's just terrible, children should try
to model themselves after the White Sox, not the Cubs.
Hindu priests in India were outraged last week when
President Bush's security team brought bomb-sniffing dogs into a
holy shrine to Gandhi. They thought it was a desecration, but they
just don't understand American culture. We worship dogs.
President Bush lauded Pakistan as an ally in the war on
terror Saturday. The country has a stellar security record. They
may shelter Osama bin Laden and give nuclear technology to North
Korea, but at least they never sold their ports to Arabs.
President Bush fell to the lowest approval ratings of his
presidency Friday in the Gallup poll. For the first time, he's
trailing Dick Cheney. Not since Ed McMahon beat Johnny Carson to a
punch line has a successful partnership turned so frosty.
University of North Carolina student Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar
tried to run over fellow students with his Jeep Cherokee but no one was
seriously injured. The Iranian said he wanted to avenge Muslim deaths.
The Los Angeles Times denounced him for trying to hurt a car.
Bolivia's new socialist president Evo Morales nationalized the oil companies on Sunday. He follows in the footsteps of Venezuela's Hugo Chavez. The World Baseball Classic is barely underway and already Fidel Castro is ahead two to nothing.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton