Jewish World Review March 7, 2006 / 7 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | President Bush flew to Pakistan Friday night with the lights off on Air Force One to keep from being shot down. He had to use decoy motorcades on the ground to avoid angry street mobs. It's the same way President Clinton used to visit Oklahoma.

Arnold Schwarzenegger canceled his appearance at a gladiator fight in Ohio on Friday after a creeped-out public reaction. He did attend a local bodybuilding match where oiled men flexed their muscles for him. He wants an Oscar in the worst way.

Hollywood beauty Scarlett Johansson scolded her dress designer Isaac Mizrahi Friday for groping her on the red carpet of the Golden Globes. She's right to be angry. A man touching a woman violates the spirit of this year's movie awards.

U.S. Congressman Duke Cunningham was sentenced Friday for accepting bribes in office. He took furs, antique furniture, silver candelabras and real estate. He was sentenced to eight years in federal prison and three years at the Liberace Museum.

New York Republicans convinced former Reagan official Kathleen McFarland to run against Hillary Clinton for Senate this fall. There was no one else for the mission. The few remaining Japanese kamikaze pilots are way too old to move to New York at this point in their lives.

Tennessee high school students filed a federal lawsuit in Knoxville Friday after their school barred them from wearing the Confederate battle flag on their T-shirts. It's the childhood obesity epidemic. There's too big a risk that a helicopter might try to land on the kids.