Jewish World Review March 3, 2006 / 3 Adar, 5766

And now for the important news ....

By Argus Hamilton

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | New Orleans welcomed many people back home for Mardi Gras on Tuesday. It was heartwarming to see returning evacuees putting on a cheerful face after losing their houses and cars and everything. Those were the ones who had fled to Las Vegas.

James Bond fans announced a boycott of the next Bond movie over actor Daniel Craig. He can't drive a stick shift, a stuntman broke his front teeth and his chest is shaved. In James Bond's final movie he turns into a satire of Austin Powers.

Anna Nicole Smith came to the Supreme Court dressed in widow's garb Friday. It figures. The first thing Adam and Eve did after eating the apple was gather fig leaves and sew loin cloths, making g-string tailoring the world's oldest profession.

John McCain proposed an immigration bill that lets illegal aliens earn their way to citizenship. It's a typical senator's solution. When he found out how much they pay those coyotes he figured he could just invite them to his fundraisers.

Bill Clinton, it was learned Wednesday, advised the United Arab Emirates how to do the ports deal while Hillary was trying to stop it. She's with the people and he's with the money. Division of labor is the key to a successful presidential campaign.

President Bush paid a visit to the Afghanistan capital of Kabul Wednesday. Al-Qaeda is holed up in the nearby mountains. They have so much freedom up there that Osama bin Laden and Mullah Omar just pitched a gay terrorist movie to Paramount.

The Chicago Tribune ran a survey on Wednesday asking Americans about the First Amendment. Twenty percent think it protects their right to own a pet. The other eighty percent think it gives them the right to go to and from Mexico as they please.