Jewish World Review March 2, 2006 / 2 Adar, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Academy Awards will be telecast live from the Kodak
Theater in Hollywood Sunday. There's no mistaking this year's
theme. Dennis Weaver just died after a long battle with movie
producers who wanted to remake Gunsmoke as a gay western.
The United Arab Emirates is hosting the world's greatest
tennis players this week in the Dubai Open. The hotel where they
are playing charges five thousand dollars per night. A copy of
Fortune magazine is placed in each room by the Gideons.
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones moved NFL owners and
players closer to a deal this week. Players already have a great
pension plan. Under the current deal you can retire after ten
years, murder your wife and still get ten thousand dollars a month.
Egypt confirmed Tuesday that archaeologists unearthed the
tomb of a wealthy merchant in the Valley of the Kings. The man
died three thousand years ago. He hasn't been out of the ground
one week and already he's engaged to Anna Nicole Smith.
Bill Clinton addressed the nation's governors Tuesday. He
said children must be taught to eat only healthy foods and get off
the couch and exercise more. The Nickelodeon network attacked him
as just another baby boomer pulling up the ladder.
President Bush said Thursday he will relax some in India and
Pakistan during his trip this week. The president revealed plans
to take in a cricket match. He also plans to play a little game of
The New York Times sued the Pentagon Monday for their records of warrantless wiretapping. The idea of government eavesdropping has caused people to become paranoid in Washington. Democrats are now talking to their mistresses in Navajo Code.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton