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Jewish World Review March 14, 2005 / 3 Adar II, 5765 From A to Dubya: A satirist's snapshot of the world through the alphabet By Dave Weinbaum
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
A. Abortion—second thoughts by Hillary? 40 million potential Dem supporters were liquidated for what, convenience? Afghanistan — early victory, early election. Liberated millions including women. Why isn't NOW cheering? Armed forces — Amazing Job. Appeasers —"Thank you Osama, we deserve another!"
B. Baseball— one giant steroid pimple about ready to pop. What happened to the good old days when the players drank all night and smoked camels in the dugout? Ball Bearing — essential in GE motors and suicide murder vests. Bush — Have they begun prepping Rushmore for the Dubya entry? Bolton — Bush's new UN boy. Quoted as saying, "If the UN building lost its' top ten floors it would be no loss." He's got MY vote, but why just the top ten?
C. Condi — one classy talented lady. Prepare yourself for "Catfight 2008!" Cubs— hey anyone can have a bad millennium. Is the guy that deflected the foul ball still in the witness protection program? Churchill—Winston, the real thing. Unlike Professor idiot of namesake, had no problem identifying Nazis. I raise my bourbon to you, while I puff on my…well…Churchill. Clinton (Bill)—good pals with elderly 41. Slept on floor in plane so old Bush could have bed, or was it from habit? Any truth to the rumor that Bill was heard talking in his sleep, "She meant nothing to me Hillary! It was just sex!"
D. Democracies—A purple fingered, terrorist defying revolution. This wall is bigger than the Berlin one and will take a long time to fully come down. Howie Dean—Republicans best bet to keep on winning. What were the Dems thinking?
E. Evil—it exists and we're destroying it. It's a wonderful thing!
F. Finger—as in purple one worn with pride by millions of Iraqi men and woman that finally got to vote in a democratic election. Friday—as in is it Friday yet?
G. Gas—we're choking on the fumes! That's all that's left in our wallets after paying for it. Gays—to marry or partner—that IS the question. Changing preference? Don't ask!
H. Hillary—Repubs can NEVER underestimate her like the Dems did with Bush. Hate the weed, but admire its' tenacity. Besides if she can fake it for another 3 years, she has a real shot. Somehow I think faking it is right up her alley. Hussein—old symbol of Arab power—new poster boy for deposed despots. Harbor—as in no safe ones for terrorists…another Bush legacy. Hitler—as in the left need stop using him in comparison to Bush. It's ridiculous, hurts survivors and families, and it cheats the Nazis of their own special place in Hell.
I. Iraq—where Liberalistic appeasement and the Democratic Party met their Waterloo. Islam—in need of a makeover with moderates taking power from the Mullahs. Idea—when was the last Dem one, 1935?
J. Judges…too much power for own good. Need to rein 'em in. They're legal interpreters, not legislators. If you're going to have tort reform, start at the top. How about term limits? Jerusalem—no sale to PALS! Stays as Jewish Capital. Michael Jackson—Can you spare a dime for an old pedophile?
K. Kennedy—Dems or Mass voters need muzzle him. All that salt water he inhaled didn't mix with tankers of booze he's quaffed. Kerry—as in unfit for command. Is there something rancid in Mass's drinking water causing Mad Voters Disease?
L. Liberal—Can't live with'em, can't shoot 'em. Libya—smart surrender by Ghadafi. Lets him stay in power and keep his oil fortune without one drop of blood shed. Saddam's kicking himself!
M. Malign—DNC talking points. Majority—what Republicans have in all branches of government
N. Never—as in, "Never give up, never let up, and you'll never let your country down." GWB'S Philosophy. Nation building—making it work in record time. See Germany and Japan post WW2. Neocons—hold your heads up with pride! Your foreign policy principles were RIGHT—ON!
O. Oil—To the winner goes the oils? Then why in hell is gas @$2.20 a gallon? Oil for food—pissant leaders, counting their bribes and voting against US in UN Security Council while US and coalition troops are being blown up. Osama—Learned his first Yiddish words when the US dropped daisy cutters in Afghanistan, "OY VEY!!"
P. Purple—It's all in the finger for Iraqi voters. Take THAT Z!!
Q. Quote—"Coming in second to terrorists is not an acceptable option."
R. Rumsfeld—Dubya's first Administration Rummy should be tarred and feathered, then fired. New Bush Administration Rummie should be bronzed and polished, daily.
T. Terrorism—Find it, root it out, destroy it….create democracies in its place.
U. UN—a dangerous impediment for democracies and peace.
V. Victory—Iraq and Afghanistan could be one of the most momentous wins of all time. Cats sleeping with dogs? Syrians retreating from Lebanon? Peace in the Middle East? Terrorists with nowhere to run? Don't let up! "Just when the world is in the palms of your hands, your nose begins to itch."
W. As in Dubya—now stop the Lib—like spending, fix SS, and cut the deficit w/o raising taxes! I'll carve your mug on Rushmore, if I have to do it myself!
X. X—ray—My x-ray tech girlfriend dropped me. She could always see right through me! (You've come this far? You deserve a bad joke!)
Y. Yasser—A man who made the world a better place when he left it.
Z. Zarqawi—Are there any virgins left for you and Osama? Check into it! Zionist—Jews having a homeland evil? Kiss my Hebe Arse!!
There you have it, a snapshot of the world through the alphabet. Don't like 'em? Do your own! Hope you have as much fun as I did!
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03/04/05: Osama's employment crisis
© 2005, Dave Weinbaum | ||||||||||
