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Jewish World Review
March 22, 2005
/ 11 Adar II, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By
Argus Hamilton
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Japan began marketing a new chewing gum Sunday that enhances
breast size. It improves the size and shape and tone of breasts if
chewed regularly. No one wants to say what's in the gum but each
stick comes with Mark McGwire's rookie baseball card.
Mark McGwire was trashed for his testimony to Congress
Thursday. His answers were evasive and slippery and transparently
false. He may not get elected to the Hall of Fame but nobody's
going to argue if he builds himself a presidential library.
Texas Tech legend Bobby Knight led his team to the Sweet
Sixteen of the NCAA tourney Saturday. He complained that nobody
backed him up when he was in Indiana. Bobby Knight once got into a
fight with his dog and his wife said the dog was right.
Robert Blake, following his acquittal Friday, publicly
begged Hollywood for an acting job. He found out right away that
times are tough all over. That night at Denny's, Al Pacino came
over to his table and asked him if he could take his order.
Barry Bonds knowingly used steroids, according to grand jury
testimony by his mistress made public on Sunday. The slugger
insists he didn't put any foreign substances in his body.
Everything he takes is made right here in the good old USA.
Howard Dean embarrassed Democrats in Toronto Sunday by
describing Republicans as brain dead. Given the news out of
Florida, it was pretty insensitive. Howard Dean once surveyed
tornado damage in Oklahoma City and said he was blown away.
Hillary Clinton called for both sides of the abortion debate
to find common ground. She wants women to know how to avoid
unwanted pregnancies. This means that in a Hillary Clinton
Administration, Monica Lewinsky could be Surgeon General.
The U.S. Senate passed a bankruptcy law that makes it
tougher to escape credit card bills. It's high time. If people
want to spend money they don't have and run up debts they can't
repay they will have to run for Congress like everybody else.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
Argus' Archives
© 2005, Argus Hamilton
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