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Jewish World Review March 21, 2005 / 10 Adar II, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Robert Blake was acquitted of murder in Los Angeles
Wednesday. Hollywood was shocked. If you had told us five years
ago that a former ABC-TV prime time star would get away with
murdering his wife, most people would have guessed Frank Gifford.
Hillary Clinton was praised by New York Republicans Tuesday
for her centrist positions. It's not fair to say her every word
and every move is calculated for effect. Hillary Clinton is a very
spontaneous person, it says so in her Day Planner.
The U.S. Senate approved a landmark bill Thursday to open
the Alaskan wildlife refuge to oil drilling. The vote was driven
by environmental concerns. With gasoline pushing three dollars a
gallon, congressmen are more endangered than Caribou.
The Pentagon had an anthrax scare on Tuesday but it turned
out to be a false alarm. Baseball games will be real slow in
Washington this summer. Every time a line drive kicks up chalk
along the foul line the stadium will have to be evacuated.
Tennessee legislators voted Thursday to allow voters to
decide whether to ban gay marriage. We know how this vote turns
out. Even Jed Clampett was forced to move to Los Angeles after he
made forty million dollars and still didn't get married.
Donald Trump offered Monday to buy the Miss America Pageant.
He would market it himself in the wake of declining TV ratings. As
years go by, fewer and fewer Americans are fascinated by the idea
of watching a bulimic who can play the ukulele.
Bobby Knight delivered a thunderous kick to a chair during
Texas Tech's loss to Oklahoma State last Sunday. You feel for the
guy. His team won't listen to him ever since President Bush got
re-elected by refusing to take the word of a madman.
The Auto Club said Monday that gas prices hit all-time highs
on the West Coast and in Hawaii. It followed a winter of violent
coastal storms. Teresa Heinz Kerry just offered to pay the ransom
if the universe will stop torturing the states that voted for her husband.
WorldCom's Bernard Ebbers was found guilty Tuesday of an
eleven billion dollar fraud. He's toast. In the season premiere of
the Sopranos, Tony Soprano refuses to let his son major in
accounting to keep him from falling in with the wrong crowd.
Canada began a pilot program on Tuesday that provides free
heroin to addicts in order to prevent hepatitis. Nothing's more
important than good health. If this program works it won't be long
before Marion Berry makes the case for medicinal crack.
Hillary Clinton argued with Alan Greenspan Monday in a
hearing of the Senate Subcommittee on Aging. It might be easier to
save Social Security than everybody thinks. A Baby Boomer hasn't
been born who will ever admit to being sixty-five.
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© 2005 Argus Hamilton | ||||||||||
