|
|
|
Jewish World Review March 14, 2005 / 3 Adar II, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Congress holds committee hearings Thursday to grill Major
League ballplayers about performance-enhancing drugs in baseball.
The hearings are so pointless. What can a bunch of guys on
steroids teach a bunch of guys on Viagra about cheating?
Dan Rather said farewell Wednesday and signed off for the
final time as anchor of the CBS Evening News. It won't be the same
without him. For twenty-four years Americans have tuned in to
watch Dan Rather, wondering if this is the night he snaps.
Bill Cosby was sued Friday by a woman who says he slipped
her drugs and groped her. If found liable he could lose his
license to play a doctor on television. Hollywood works on the
principle that with pretend power comes pretend responsibility.
Russell Crowe claimed Tuesday al-Qaeda tried to kidnap him
four years ago in a plot to destabilize America by threatening the
lives of icons like himself. The FBI usually ignores claims like
this in Hollywood. Nine times out of ten it's the cocaine talking.
The Senate passed a bankruptcy bill Thursday making it
harder for Americans to escape debts. It gives credit card
companies more options. Rather than remove automatic teller
machines from casinos and racetracks, they would just as soon have
your house.
Alan Greenspan indicated his approval Monday of a national
sales tax to someday replace the graduated income tax. The class
warfare crowd howled. If it were up to liberals, the America's Cup
would begin a half-mile upstream from Niagara Falls.
Michael Jackson's household staff staged a sick-out Thursday
after going weeks without a paycheck. He's had to cut back on his
lavish lifestyle. Boys Life just broke the news that for two weeks
he's been pouring domestic rum in the Jesus Juice.
Martha Stewart offered Monday to market the shawl knitted
for her in prison that she wore to the plane. She can make
anything appealing. Last night in Hollywood Hugh Grant offered a
hooker an extra three hundred dollars to wear an ankle monitor.
Hillary Clinton demanded an improved national ratings system
for video games and music and children's television. She's got to
get these ratings in place, and quickly. Bill Clinton on Spring
Break comes out on Sony PlayStation next week.
Bill Clinton will lend his name to an Austrian financial
company that wants to market hedge funds to small investors. This
is right up his alley. It allows Bill Clinton to do what he does
best, which is to separate people from their money.
President Bush, with full support from France Monday,
demanded that Syria exit Lebanon. Within one day Syrian troops
were retreating to their own border. You can always tell which
countries were French colonies by the speed of their retreats.
Howard Dean praised Democratic Party progress since he took
over. He said he raised three million dollars and hasn't even sent
out the Internet solicitation. For two thousand dollars, donors
can watch the live exam-cam from his medical practice.
President Bush in Ohio Tuesday praised coal as a future
clean-burning energy source. It could result in hearings.
Geologists recently placed locally mined coal underneath their
microscope and discovered that America is England on steroids.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and the media consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
© 2005 Argus Hamilton | ||||||||||
