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February 10, 2012
Lisa M. Krieger: Man with defibrillator demands access to his own heart's information
David G. Savage: Why activists may not be in a hurry to have High Court rule on alternative marriage
February 9, 2012
Laura McMullen: 10 Least Expensive Public Schools for Out-of-State Students
Kimberly Palmer: How to actually enjoy -- relaxing, financially -- your vacation
February 8, 2012
Warren Richey: Why momentous Prop. 8 ruling might not satisfy gay-rights groups
Menachem Wecker: Though Controversial, LL.M.'s Can Lead to Specialized Legal Jobs
The Kosher Gourmet byDana Velden: Going to the bother of making soup? You know it better be good. This CREAM OF TOMATO SOUP certainly is! And it's a cinch to make, too (Includes techinques and serving secrets)
February 7, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Caught off-guard? President's Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer gives those who need a reason not to vote for him, a darn good one
Suzanne Bohan: Leaping lizards! Tiny reptiles advancing robot design
February 6, 2012
Jonathan Tobin: Iran Threatens Israel With Destruction, But the New York Times Doesn't Hear It
Jeffrey Fleishman: In newly democratic Egypt, tens of democracy activists jailed, to stand trial; their groups are 'threatening the stability of the homeland'
Julie Deardorff : Researchers say antioxidants may not be that effective and could do more harm than good
Mark Clayton: How did Anonymous hackers eavesdrop on FBI and Scotland Yard?
February 3, 2012
Edmund Sanders : Israeli official says Iran is creating missile that could reach East Coast of US
Victoria Kim: Immigrant-smuggling ring used black drivers to avoid racial profiling
February 2, 2012
Jim Carney: Wrong number call may have saved her life
Reza Kahlili : Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: What Obama doesn't grasp about striking deals with Tehran
Tina Susman: For woodchuck rescuer, every day is Groundhog Day
February 1, 2012
Brian Bennett: US officials see increasing threat of domestic attack from Iran
Emily Brandon: How to Take Advantage of New 401(k) Fee Disclosures
January 31, 2012
January 30, 2012
Paul Richter and Ramin Mostaghim: Misreading Teheran's limits -- deadly and economically devastating as they may be -- is a risk administration, Europe seem willing to take
Suzanne Bohan: Warning: Nap-deprived tots missing more than sleep, study finds
Meg Handley: Banks Revamping Rewards Programs to Woo Customers
January 27, 2012
Caroline B. Glick: Obama: Of course I intend to prevent a nuclear holocaust . . . in a few months
Yochonon Donn: In liberal New York City, fervently-Orthodox Jews may soon be getting a district to call their own
Jeannine Stein: An inflated ego and thinking you're 'all that' doesn't just make others sick of you, it can make you ill
Katy Hopkins: New budget rules may affect how much money you get for college
January 26, 2012
Ed Koch: To the New York Times, calling for the murder of Jews by those capable of having their incitement taken seriously isn't news
Jeannine Stein: Mental illness struck one in five U.S. adults in 2010: Report
January 25, 2012
Richard Simon: House passes two bills endorsing the use of religious symbols at military memorials
Fred Weir: Putin: Multiethnic Russia cannot survive as a US-style 'melting pot'; must find its own way
Susan Johnston: 5 Sneaky Coupon Strategies Consumers Should Watch Out For
January 24, 2012
Carol Clark: The price of your soul: How your brain decides whether to 'sell out'
Caroline B. Glick: America lost most in 'Arab Spring'. Sadly, many voters still don't grasp the extent
Warren Richey: Drug criminal scores win in GPS ruling from conservative-leaning high court
Erika Bolstad: Black conservatives gather to talk about gaining strength
January 23, 2012
Melissa Dribben: Jewish voters to play a key role in Florida's Republican primary
Jordan Rau: In quest to grow, Catholic hospital system will announce this morning its break from church
Ali Safi: U.S. envoy gives Taliban terms for peace talks
January 19, 2012
January 18, 2012
January 17, 2012
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: No-kidding red lines: U.S. response to an Iranian nuke may be bluster, but Israel's won't be
David G. Savage: They sued their principals after slandering them online --- now the cases are headed to the Supreme Court
David Francis: Where to Invest in 2012: With stocks expected to rebound, opportunity abounds for investors
January 13, 2012
Ben Lynfield: Israeli lawmakers move to annex Jewish Judea, one museum at a time
Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz: Thriving through touch: Gentle massage helps older people with low mobility improve in mind and body
January 12, 2012
Warren Richey: Landmark Supreme Court ruling a 'resounding win' for religious groups
Warren Richey: Supreme Court says no to new rule on eyewitness testimony
John Fauber : Statins found to raise diabetes risk in postmenopausal women
Katy Hopkins : Consider This Before You Pay for an Online Degree
The Kosher Gourmet by Joseph Erdos: This mushroom and barley soup has an intense -- almost nutty -- flavor that mixes robust with Middle East. It has creaminess without cream
January 11, 2012
Shari Roan: Millions of atrial fibrillation sufferers at risk for devastating, but preventable, stroke
Tom Hussain: Pakistan -- recipient of more than $21 billion in civilian and military aid -- speeds pursuit of Iranian pipeline, defying US
David G. Savage: High court signals it won't be loosening TV's 'indecency' rules
Stephen Ceasar: Oklahoma's Islamic law amendment can't go into effect, court rules
January 10, 2012
Reza Kahlili: From an ex-CIA spy: US must exploit new split in Iran's Revolutionary Guard
Karen Kaplan: Study: Nicotine replacement products ineffective when used in real-life situations
January 9, 2012
Michael Doyle: Put through legal hell over dream home, couple fought back hard --- all the way to Supreme Court
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Jewish World Review
March 9, 2005
/ 28 Shevat, 5765
Dan Rather’s retirement speech
By
Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
As many of you know, CBS anchorman Dan Rather retires this week. Then again, ratings for network news have never been lower. With all the different channels available nowadays it's possible many Americans do not know Rather. We live in an age where more people can name all the Teletubbies than can name the CBS News team. And that's understandable, the Teletubbies are more entertaining than the CBS News team, superior dancers, and do better research before going on air.
With all the different available viewing choices, combined with the declining ratings for news some of you may not even remember what a newscast is. A TV newscast is that thing we skip across while we're flipping from QVC to ESPN, then back to QVC. It usually features an elderly guy paired with an Asian lady young enough to be his granddaughter who used to talk about stuff like war and the economy but now do stories with titles like "Naked Co-Ed Jail Bait Raves on Ecstasy" and "Adulterous Flight Attendants in Hot Pants, Part 7."
CBS recently announced Rather is being replaced by Bob Schieffer on an interim basis. Then again maybe he's being replaced by Billy Bob Thornton, or, Claudia Schiffer; since I heard it on CBS, there's no way of telling. But if it is Bob Schieffer, CBS will have the only newscast that is equally exciting as watching a wall of paint dry.
Reportedly CBS (Confused Broadcasting System) nudged Rather out of the anchor chair after he aired Bush National Guard records on 60 Minutes 2 that are as fake as Mike Wallace's hair color. And for those few remaining souls among us who actually are aware of what a network newscast is, we've gone to the trouble to uncover Rather's retirement speech, which we present in its entirety.
"Thank you all for coming. It's great to be here in Seattle." (Editor's note: the dinner was in New York City.) "First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who made my 35 years at Fox so wonderful." (Editor's note: It was 24 years, and he worked at CBS.)
"I greatly enjoyed my time anchoring the news, as well as my co workers on the Nightly News and on 60 Minutes Ethel Merman, Danny Bonaduce, and most of all, Mickey Rooney. I mean, Andy Rooney. . . I'd like to thank my wife, Connie Chung. I love you, snookems, you're the best.
I'll never forget the day I decided to become a sports reporter. It was the same day Fran Tarkenton became the first African American player in Major League baseball.
I'd also like to thank my staff members for presenting me with a fake Rolex watch. An inside joke perhaps.
And I'd like to apologize for the fact we're dining on corn dogs and Fritos tonight, but after the fine CBS paid for the Janet Jackson incident, money is tight.
I'd like to thank my competition who made it fun. There's the guy on NBC with the gray hair and the Metrosexual on ABC with the phony British accent. Thanks, guys.
I'll still be around. I'm going to continue working at 60 Minutes part-time, and their retirement age is 107.
I'd also like to take a moment to pass on a bit of advice: Don't count yer chickens till the fat hen that lays the golden egg gets done swattin' a fly by a Texas mile.
And What's the frequency, Kenneth?
You know I'd love to stay and chat, but I been waiting outside for two days somehow I got the date of the dinner mixed up with the day of my chiropractor's appointment and I'm exhausted. G'night, all, and godspeed."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
Rooster rumble a cockamamie idea?
© 2005, Brad Dickson
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