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Jewish World Review
March 25, 2005
/ 14 Adar II, 5765
Reporter retires; blames Barry Bonds
Slugger pushed him over the edge, baseball journalist says
A journalist who has covered baseball for his entire career called it quits today, blaming San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds.
Reporter Herb McCaugh, 52, who has written about the sport for the past twenty-three years, said that Bonds' persistent refusal to answer his questions had finally pushed him over the edge.
In an angry, expletive-laden press conference, McCaugh took a parting shot at Bonds, whom he called "the sole reason" for his decision to exit journalism.
"Barry, you wanted me to jump off the bridge, I finally have jumped," he said. "You wanted to bring me down, you've finally brought me and my family down. So now go pick a different person."
McCaugh said that Mr. Bonds' stubborn refusal to answer his questions made the reporter's children an object of scorn and derision at their school.
"For years, kids have teased my kids, asking them, 'How come your daddy couldn't get a comment out of Barry Bonds?'" McCaugh bitterly recalled. "Well, Barry, those days are now officially over. All I can say is, I hope you're happy now."
Reached in Scottsdale, Arizona, Bonds told reporters, "I've followed Herb McCaugh's career from the beginning and it's always the same pattern - whenever things get a little tough, blame Barry Bonds."
Told of Bonds' comments, McCaugh responded, "I can't believe it -- now that I've retired, he finally starts talking."
Elsewhere, the CIA said that it intercepted "terrifying chatter" which later turned out to be TV host Pat O'Brien.
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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.
© 2005, Andy Borowitz
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