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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 4, 2005 / 23 Adar I, 5765

Jacko says TV look-alike did it

By Andy Borowitz


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New Defense Strategy Stuns Courtroom



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The child molestation trial of Michael Jackson took a stunning turn today as the singer's attorney claimed that the crimes Mr. Jackson is accused of committing were actually perpetrated by his look-alike on E! Entertainment Television's nightly trial reenactments.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," said Thomas Mesereau, Jr., Mr. Jackson's defense attorney, "today I will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the guilty man is not my client, but rather that guy on E! who looks a lot like him."

As observers in the Santa Maria, California courtroom gasped, Mr. Mesereau showed two enlarged photographs of Mr. Jackson and his E! counterpart and asked Mr. Jackson's accuser if he could tell the two men apart.

Across the country, look-alikes of prominent legal experts called Mr. Mesereau's bold strategy a courtroom masterstroke.

"When he brought out those photos of Michael Jackson and his look-alike, that was a homerun for the defense," said Sheila Turco, a look-alike of Court TV's Nancy Grace.

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If Mr. Mesereau's audacious strategy pays off, Mr. Jackson's trial may be quickly adjourned and a new trial involving his look-alike may commence.

In preparation for such an eventuality, E! said today that it would begin searching for what it called "a Michael Jackson look-alike" to portray the singer's look-alike in nightly trial reenactments.

According to one E! executive, "Right now, everyone's first choice to play the look-alike of Michael Jackson's look-alike would be Michael Jackson himself."

Elsewhere, the White House said it was investigating charges that prisoners at Guantanamo Bay were forced to watch the 77th annual Academy Awards.

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JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.



© 2005 Andy Borowitz