First Person

Home
In this issue

August 29, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: 20/20 sightlessness

Caroline B. Glick: When history is not repeated

JWisdom: Blessed or Cursed: It's Really Up to You by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 28, 2008

Steve Lipman: A Comeback for the 'Jewish Jordan'

Jeffrey Weiss: Researcher reports 'intriguing' diabetes breakthrough

August 27, 2008

Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald: Removing the perfectionist's mask

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Nunn: Summer harvest linguine

JWisdom:: The Missing Link in Spiritual Life by Rabbi David Aaron

August 26, 2008

Yaffa Ganz: Grandma gets lessons in staying cool

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: The Dems' 'soft' jihadist

JWisdom:: Today: Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith by Rabbi Nosson Scherman: Plague of indifference

August 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: A friend is bearing a silly grudge from a supposed wrong. What recourse do I have?

Daniel Pipes: Barack Obama through Muslim Eyes

JWisdom:: The knowledge you need to overcome your insecurities by Malka Schulman

August 22, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: Life's essential ingredient

Caroline B. Glick: Dominos anyone?

JWisdom:: Actually, Do Sweat the Small Stuff! by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 21, 2008

Today in Biblical History by Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Popularization of Kabbalah: 20 Menachem-Av 1558 CE

Jonathan Rosenblum: Lessons from the Beyond

JWisdom: : The Olympian within is rooting for you -- yes, you! –- to go for the gold

August 20, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Misleading Platform Platitudes

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Chicken Salad with Asian Dressing

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: America's Defense of the Jews --- Until WWII by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

August 19, 2008

Dennis Prager: If the Almighty doesn't exist

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Obama's Islamist problem has nothing to do with his upbringing

JWisdom: Think your life is messed up? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 18, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Business with Friends

Diana West: Roars About Russia, Bare Whispers About Islam

JWisdom: Relationship agony: The real cause by Malka Schulman

August 15, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: To love the Divine

Caroline B. Glick: Georgia, Israel, and the nature of man

JWisdom: The Truly Righteous Don't Demand Entitlements by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 14, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Confessions of broken spirit

Libby Lazewnik: The Numbers Game

JWisdom: Six Questions You'll Be Asked in Heaven? - Uh - Let's Just Take One for Now! by Gavriel Aryeh Sanders

August 13, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Georgia should be on their minds

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Go Greek: Pair flavorful lamb kebabs with a hearty salad

JWisdom: Human hybrids aren't science fiction by Rabbi David Aaron

August 12, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bless us

Daniel Pipes: The West's Islamist Infiltrators

JWisdom: From Sadness to Gladness: The Route from Tisha b'Av to Rosh Hashana by Rabbi Mordechai Becher

August 11, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: A Jewish view on fair pricing

Caroline B. Glick: Ignoring failure in Gaza

JWisdom: 'Communication' Is Not The Answer! by Malka Schulman

August 7, 2008

Rabbi David Gutterman: A Continuing Story With a Sustaining Goal

Rabbi Berel Wein: Mourning and morning

JWisdom: Yes, we are still in exile by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 6, 2008

David Ashenfelter: Government made military engineer's life a living hell because of his faith, Defense Department report documents

Jonathan Tobin: Speak the Truth; Defeat the Lies

JWisdom: Jewish Spirituality: Fusion or Confusion? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 5, 2008

Chris Leppek: Church/state wall beginning to crumble?

Paul Greenberg: Exit Olmert (no encore, please)

JWisdom: Serenity: Make the commitment by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Read by Gavriel Sanders)

August 4, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Am I taking advantage of another's psychological quirk?

Andrew Silow-Carroll: A black and a Jew walk into the White House…

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: Edward R. Morrow visits the ‘living dead’ by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

August 1, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: We have the power to alter another's destiny — use it well

Caroline B. Glick: Why Olmert — finally — did it

JWisdom: Life By The (Book of) Numbers by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

July 31, 2008

This Week in Biblical History by Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Ezra the Scribe returns from exile

Joan Verdon: Demure is in demand: More brides seek 'modest' gowns

JWisdom: You don't have to be ‘compatible’ to have a stable, happy relationship by Malka Shulman

July 30, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Does Israel need 'tough love'?

The Kosher Gourmet by Gail Borelli: Pickling captures the fleeting tastes of summer's fruits and vegetables

JWisdom: Serenity: It's Really Up to YOU! by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Read by Gavriel Sanders)

July 29, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Good things happen

Dick Morris: How Israel's race could shift ours

JWisdom: Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith by Rabbi Nosson Scherman: Equal but Not Jewish or Jewish but Not Human?

July 28, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: How and when to lie

Steven Emerson: More Perils of Interfaith Dialogue

JWisdom:: A TripTik for Your Spiritual Journey by Rabbi Dovid Gross

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review March 17, 2004 / 24 Adar, 5764

When Americans pretend to be ‘Irish’

By Tom Purcell


Printer Friendly Version

Email this article


A real-life lesson in multi-culturalism

http://www.jewishworldreview.com | It's what always happens when you try to be something you're not. I'm not really Irish, nor are most Americans.


A few years ago my friends and I visited a new Irish pub in a bad section of downtown Washington, D.C. To be sure, "Irish" is the hot trend in restauranting these days, and Guinness has become the trendy beverage for young professionals who patronize fake Irish pubs with the hopes of being authentically Irish.


Our group included my friend Bergen (half Irish), my cousin (half Irish), Bell (possibly half Irish) and a woman we just met who looked like Paula Jones (of the Clinton-era scandals and also possibly half Irish). We sat at the fake Irish pub drinking Guinness and trying to be authentically Irish, when Bergen ordered up a fresh round of pints. That's when the disaster occurred.


At this point in our tale, you should know that Paula Jones was wearing a white sweater — her favorite white sweater, which she paid $80 for at BeBe's in Chicago. You should also know that my friend Bergen, apparently in an effort to capture the attention of this lass, knocked a full pint of oil-black Guinness onto what quickly become a chocolate-white sweater.


I, having five sisters, knew we had to get that sweater soaking in something or it would never see whiteness again. Bell ran off to get a bucket. I got the manager to supply a free Leprechaun T-shirt, so our guest could change. My cousin decided to tremble visibly, while Bergen was clearly saddened by the loss of his full pint.


Somehow we managed to get our female guest dry, get her chocolate-white sweater soaking in soda water — we set it on a table behind us — and restore equilibrium to our outing, so that we could resume our efforts to be authentically Irish.


That's when all heck broke loose again.

Donate to JWR


Our tale now shifts its focus to the drug dealers openly plying their trade across the street. We watched them through our window when, suddenly, a half-dozen police cars came screeching in from every direction. So curious were we about this scene, we forgot about the sweater. Thus, we didn't notice the busboy who, having picked up the bucket in which the sweater was soaking, proceeded to fill it with dirty glasses, silverware, greasy napkins, etc. while busing a row of tables.


Thankfully, my cousin saw him and began shouting at him. This caused the busboy, who spoke no English, to also begin trembling visibly. But at least we headed off his subsequent actions, which would have involved the swabbing of dirty tables with an $80 chocolate-white sweater from BeBe's in Chicago.


But there wasn't time to savor our success in thwarting the busboy, as another crisis was under way. Our guest became overcome by great itchiness, an affliction, apparently, that results when Guinness dries on the skin. (Sunburn she received during a recent vacation also contributed to her malady.) So loudly did she complain (at this point she had passed through the "denial" stage and was well on her way to "anger") that our attempt at being authentically Irish was in jeopardy yet again.


I quickly applied my problem-solving skills to this latest code-red situation. I began searching the pub for mayonnaise, which, I then thought, would remedy her itching. It wasn't until afterwards that I realized my muddled thinking was brought on by an abundance of Guinness, and my efforts to rub mayonnaise all over her skin had more to do with my needs than hers.


It was about then that the cook came running out of the kitchen, shouting about shots being fired in the ally. We weren't sure if he meant shots were being fired at that moment or they had been fired before the police showed up. But it didn't matter to us. Our group rose in unison, grabbed our sweater bucket, hailed a cab and got the heck out of there.


My real Irish friends tell me that on St. Patrick's Day in Ireland, most people go to Mass, take in a parade, then enjoy the rest of the day with family — nobody gets out of hand like we do here. No, we Americans would rather pretend we are authentically Irish by getting rip-roaring drunk and singing "Irish" tunes, such as the Unicorn song.


Which illustrates my point perfectly. The Unicorn song was written by Shel Silverstein. He was Jewish.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in Washington and in the media consider "must reading." Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


Comment on JWR Contributor Tom Purcell's column, by clicking here.


© 2004, Tom Purcell