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Jewish World Review Feb. 12, 1998 / 26 Shevat, 5759
A SCHMALTZY CARD, A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES in a
heart-shaped box may be sweet and innocuous ways to show love and
appreciation, but some Jews decide to give these gifts a pass come Feb.
14.
It’s not that they are insensitive or cynical about love; they have
decided that along with other holidays with foreign roots,
Valentine's Day is not for them.
The holiday's origins and development
are unclear, but according to legend, it began as a pagan observance in
Rome, when people prayed to Lupercus, the god of sheep and
shepherds, for protection from wolves surrounding the city.
We do
not know why the festival of Lupercalia came to be associated with love
and romance, but it seems that at some point the custom developed for
Roman girls to put their names into a jar, boys to draw them out and on
that basis have a partner for a day, or according to some, a year.
As Rome became Christian,
people nevertheless held on to the pagan customs. The pope, according
to scholars, tried to bring the holiday more into line with Christian belief
and Lupercalia became Saint Valentine's Day.
But unlike many other
holidays transformed from their pagan origins, it never became an
official Catholic day of obligation on which Christians were required to
attend Mass.
Religious historians at Georgetown University note that some people
dispute the entire existence of an historical St. Valentine. Some say there
was a cleric, Valentinos, in the fourth century C.E. who was known for
preaching in the spring about the union of men and women.
According to
this theory, Valentinos died on Feb. 14. Others posit that the St. Valentine
for whom the holiday was renamed lived during the reign of Claudius II
and was put to death on Feb. 14 for urging the people to defy a decree
that soldiers not get engaged or married.
Whatever theory you accept, St. Valentine’s Day has no connection with
Jewish tradition. At The Jewish Primary Day School of Adas Israel
(JPDS) in Washington, DC the children learn that you don't need a
special day to show love. Judaism, says director Susan Koss, provides
many appropriate ways to express different feelings. For example,
every week at the Shabbat table, the husband sings "Ayshet Chayil," a
passage from Proverbs praising the wife as a "woman of valor." JPDS
students, like those at other area day schools, do not mark the day with
exchanges of cards or gifts. Koss says that before Valentine's Day,
she puts a reminder in the weekly messages to parents not to send any
valentines to school.
Parents are respectful, she says, and children have
no problem with the policy either. That the holiday has the name "Saint" in
it makes it easy for them to understand that Valentine's Day is not
Jewish. Koss says when it comes to Valentine’s Day, many American
Jews are more culturally aware than in previous generations of the
pagan and Christian aspects of the holiday. Jewish schools, she says,
have a responsibility in this area.
Other day school administrators echo Koss. Renee Popkin, education
director at the Rockville, Maryland-based Children's Learning Center,
explains that the school's parent handbook forbids any celebration of the
holiday at school. Popkin says that a child asking about Valentine's Day is
told that "we don't celebrate that holiday at CLC." At synagogue religious
schools, the question rarely comes up. Rachelle Palley, religious school
principal at Congregation Olam Tikvah in Fairfax, says she deals with it
only "as needed." Gloria Eiseman, school director at B'nai Shalom of
Olney, explains that the students know it’s not a holiday to be observed
in religious school.
Alan Reinitz, principal at Congregation Har Shalom in
Potomac, has a slightly different take on the holiday and the religious
school. Because the children do not expect to do Valentine's events
during religious school time " in contrast to Halloween, when religious
school classes may be nearly empty as the children are trick-or-treating "
the schools are not forced to confront the non-Jewish nature of the
holiday. Still, says Reinitz, schools may be missing out on a "teachable
moment" by not bringing up the issue.
Rabbi Jack Moline of Agudas
Achim Congregation in Alexandria, Virginia does not get upset when
people participate in Valentine's customs on their own. But, he
adds, Valentine's Day is not a Jewish holiday or an American holiday that
needs to be recognized. He thinks it is wrong for a Jewish group to
institutionalize its observance. So, he says, if Jewish singles' groups
want to have a dance in mid-February, that's fine with him " as long as
they don't call it a Valentine's
Should Jews avoid Cupid’s Valentine's Day arrows?
By Deborah Cymrot
In addition, the popular symbols of romantic love associated with
Valentine's Day, Venus and Cupid, are part of the pantheon whose
stories are told through Roman mythology. Their conception of love
differs dramatically from that of the Bible.
Deborah Cymrot is community editor for
Washington Jewish Week.
