West Hollywood passed an ordinance forbidding all apartment building owners from banning their tenants from owning pets or banning them from replacing lost ones. Pets are greatly adored in this town. A dog will allow you to put a studded collar around its neck without calling you a pervert.
• Cleveland Indians officials announced the team will replace their century-old Chief Wahoo mascot on their uniform logos. Critics perceived the widely-grinning Indian as demeaning and racist. Instead the logo will depict a South Asian kid receiving his acceptance letter into Harvard.
• President Trump and Prime Minister Theresa May affirmed the Special Relationship between the U.S. and Britain. He accepted her invitation to a state visit. Trump will meet the Queen, give a speech to a combined House of Commons and Lords, and place a rolled up prayer in Hadrian's Wall.
• President Trump's State of the Union speech was reported as the most-tweeted-about speech in history, calculated by the traffic of posted comments. That's progress in a nutshell. If the newspaper was the evolution of the town crier, then Twitter is the evolution of the town drunk.
• House Democrats ripped the GOP for voting to make public the secret FISA warrant that may nail FBI agents for investigative partisanship. They call it a breach of House ethics. Congressional ethics are like the hooker who told the judge she realized she'd been raped when the check bounced.
• The News Museum posted Vietnam War photos on the fiftieth anniversary of the Tet Offensive Sunday which turned the tide in that insane rabbit hole of a war. How many Vietnam veterans does it require to screw in a light bulb? The reason you don't know is because you weren't there, man.
• California became the latest state to legalize the recreational use of marijuana in January, but people are still getting busted left and right. Last week, I saw a guy getting arrested with a bag of weed at the Promenade in Santa Monica. The weed's legal, but the plastic baggie is a jail-able offense.
• The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced Friday they've moved the second hand on the Doomsday Clock forward thirty seconds. They warn humanity it is now two minutes until midnight. Is it me or am I the only one who thinks that Doomsday might be a nice and relaxing change of pace?
• Oprah Winfrey's presidential candidacy fizzed when polls said that just twenty-four percent of Americans want her to run. It's just as well. If Oprah were president, the U.S. would lose money, then gain money, then lose money, then gain the money back, until she finally blames it all on bread.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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