Jewish World Review Feb. 26, 2014 / 26 Adar I, 5774
'First Laddie Issue' could impede Hillary in 2016
By John Kass
You probably won't believe this, but I aim to help
But the thing is, she has a problem.
You wouldn't know it from reading or watching the news. That's because in most newsrooms across America -- and perhaps even in some place called "real life" -- the inevitability of
Yet even as the great tide of her inevitability swells and rises to 2016, there is an issue. Sadly, it remains hidden to most of her champions, since they're blind to her faults. But it's out there.
And I'm asking you to open your eyes to see the problem, so you can help me help Hillary.
What is this problem?
Call it the Bill Problem, or the Creepo Index, or the Randy Spouse in the Henhouse Conundrum.
I'd rather simply call it the First Laddie Issue. And we must confront it without a moment's delay.
Call me facetious, and damn me as an unrepentant Clinton hater, and even bring up my old columns as evidence of my sins.
Or put me on a fence post like that turtle Hillary talked about in that strange period when she spoke with a Southern accent. I don't really care.
Do your worst.
But either way, this problem of Hillary's won't go away no matter how many times the Clintonistas raise the torch of feminism.
The Clintonistas are experts at bringing up the old war-on-women thing, and they're good at blaming the old men-just-don't-get-it crowd.
But if Hillary is elected president, then former President
A few weeks ago, Sen.
"The Democrats, one of their big issues is they have concocted and said Republicans are committing a war on women," Paul said on
"This isn't having an affair. I mean, this isn't me saying, 'Oh, he's had an affair, we shouldn't talk to him.' Someone who takes advantage of a young girl in their office? I mean, really. And then they have the gall to stand up and say Republicans are having a war on women? So, yes, I think it's a factor. Now, it's not Hillary's fault ... but it is a factor in judging
No doubt some Hillary supporters see Paul as an evil genius. But he just may be the genius who highlighted the problem as if he were a naturalist using a straight pin to fix a spider to a board.
And he's pointed out the main predicament: What to do about Bill?
How can the Clinton campaign speak to the aspirations of women young and old if people remember that no responsible parents would leave Bill alone with their daughter?
And what parents would put their daughter under Bill's "wing" in either the campaign or the
They still eat pizzas at the
Here are few of my First Laddie solutions:
-- A First Laddie Kilt. Let's amend the Constitution to mandate that the First Laddie -- if named
-- NSA surveillance. A tiny robot drone follows the First Laddie at all times, equipped with a camera feeding the
-- Vice President
-- Gentling. There are chemicals that I'm told will accomplish this, but that might be viewed as "too drastic."
-- Exile. My preference. What about sending the First Laddie into exile in some mountainous, semi-lawless land ruled by warlords known to provide mountains of pilaf and dancing girls to their guests?
These are but a few possible solutions to the First Laddie problem.
You're invited to send me your own suggestions by clicking here.
Remember, Hillary must fulfill her destiny. And the First Laddie must not get in the way.
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John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.
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