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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Feb 14, 2014 / 14 Adar I, 5774

Take the money, please

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I hope I'm not asking too much, but could I just pay?

Could I just hand you some cash or swipe my credit card, take my purchase and go?

Why do you have to make me feel like a worm?

I'm friendly by nature, really I am. Surely you saw that when I approached the checkout counter and smiled.

We're getting along fabulously, the transaction is going smoothly and then you have to sour it all by asking for my phone number.

Are you going to give me your phone number? I didn't think so. I'm not giving you my phone number any more than I'm going to the parking lot and writing it in the dirt on the back windshields of pickup trucks. I don't need a new best friend; I just need a new scrub brush I can fill with dish soap.

Now you look hurt and disappointed because I won't give you my phone number. I feel terrible.

What's that? You'd like my email address? No, you can't have my email address.

What's that? If I give you my email address, you'll take five dollars off my next purchase? Look, I'll pay you five dollars here and now if you'll never ask me for personal information again. No? You can't take cash? Too bad.

What's that? Would I like to give you my street address? Why? Are you coming over? No, you can't have my address. And if I see you follow me out of the store, I'm calling the police.

My zip code? All right. My zip code you can have. Now will you wipe that sad-puppy look off your face?

That's better.

Did I know I could "like" your store on Facebook? Marvelous.

Would I like to donate to a charitable cause? If I say no, you're going to think I'm cold and uncaring. What does it matter? You already think I'm a snob.

Would I like to take a survey? You're circling the web address I can access to take a survey about my shopping experience today? If I say yes I'll be lying, but if I say no you're going to get that sad look again. I don't say anything and now you're certain I'm a snob, cold and uncaring.

Excuse me, I have a text: "Would you like a six-pack of Coke just for being you?"

How did the grocery get my cell? I never, ever, ever give out my cell. Blast that NSA!

For the record, the answer is no. No, I don't want a six-pack of Coke; no, I don't want to give you my phone number, my address, my email, my cell, my birth date, my Social Security number, my shoe size or my blood type. For the record, I make charitable contributions without solicitation and I probably won't take time to go online and rate my shopping experience.

I'm leaving now. I feel like a jerk. I'm sorry it had to end this way. I just wanted to pay.

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© 2014, Lori Borgman

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